Happy Birthday Reid!

Today is my little Reid’s birthday!

Oh man. I don’t know where the time went, seriously.

Now he’s rumbling tumbling cuddly ball of awesome and we love him so.

If you’d like to read about his birth story here’s parts 1, 2, and 3. If you’d like to see him singing a Prince song, check that out here.

We are so amazed that God has blessed us with this perfect child. 

There never has been nor will there ever be a job greater, more rewarding or more important than being his mom.

Happy Birthday Dad

I think it’s a blessing to grow older.

I look forward to the wrinkles and gray hair. I guess I feel this way because of my work. I work in the poorest and smallest high school in my city and violence is common. In the period of three months, 4 of our students had been shot and two stabbed.

I say that to remind anyone who is reading this that life is incredibly short and not promised. Some people, for various reasons, don’t make it to the age of gray hair and wrinkled skin and that is a shame.

 So for all of us that do, we should celebrate it.

All of that to say: My dad came to town to celebrate his 51st birthday this weekend!

We spent the day watching 30 Rock and Skyping with my brother who is stationed in Germany.

After that we all went out to Scotch n' Sirloin. It’s this amazing local steak house. We all agreed (except for Mozart who only eats fish) that the steak was the best we’d ever had.

Dinner was followed by a raspberry pie (my dad’s favorite) that I bought that morning at the farmer’s market.

Bean’s Birthday Zoo Trip

For Bean’s birthday we threw her a garden party and the next day we took her to the zoo.

In the past I have been morally opposed to zoos and carnivals.
I am still opposed to carnivals and will never take our children there but I caved on the zoo.

Part of me still felt bad while I looked at the animals. I know zoos aren’t completely bad and have great purposes, I just somehow can’t shake the feeling that if I was supposed to see a lion, then I should be where they live and not the other way around.

I will never take our children to the carnival because no matter how much the carnival claims they train their animals in respectful ways or keep them well fed and clean- something isn’t right or natural about an elephant standing on one leg, lions jumping through hoops, or any other tricks they may have. I’m pretty sure when they are older I’ll win Mean Mom of The Year, but I don’t really care.

So we went to the zoo and Bean really loved it.

We saw the pretty flamingos. She kept saying that they were birds and that they were pink.

Then we went inside a few of the zoo buildings to take a look at the monkeys. She loved them and kept yelling “Monkeys! Oh, monkeys!” 

One thing I do not like about the zoo is when everyone crowds the glass. I think its annoying because it makes seeing the animals hard but also because I think it makes some animals uncomfortable so they hide or they are incredibly boring. 

This was happening at one monkey exhibit but we hung around for a little until everyone left. When they did we saw in the corner this little monkey staring at us so Bean wanted to go over. 

He put his little hand on the glass and I helped Bean put her hand up too. After that they were like peas and carrots and she was so amazed.

We also saw the penguins and they were a favorite. This year because the weather has been really warm for our area, the penguins hatched earlier. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad but it made for a pretty cute exhibit.

We also saw a tiger.

 


But the animal Bean loved THE most were the elephants. This is because she sees them on Barney.

 


We also took some great pictures of us walking around.

 





Then we were all really hot and tired so we packed it up and came home.

 


We really enjoyed our trip to the zoo. I don’t know how many more times we’ll be back but I imagine it will only get more exciting as they both grow older.

On the car ride home we asked Bean

“Did you have a good birthday?”
“Yesssss..."

Bean’s Garden Party

This year we kept things simple. In attendance were a few of our close friends here in Syracuse, their children, and my mom. In total, 5 adults and 4 kids.

It was lovely.

I decided to throw Bean an indoor garden party. I consider her birthday to be in the spring and with the 70 degree weather that day, a garden party seemed natural.

Instead of doing kid favors, I decided to make favors for the moms. I made hand and foot scrub in orange and brown sugar. I cut a few pieces of fabric that I had around the house and decorated the mason jars.

Then I sat them on top of mini white wooden boxes.



I decided to go all out for the table. I went to JoAnns and bought three yards of burlap and used it as a table runner. I also bought flower garlands and placed them down the middle. I then went to the grocery store and bought one bouquet of flowers for the centerpiece and a bouquet of carnations and a bouquet of blue flowers that I cant remember the name of. I cut those to fit inside a few mason jars and interweaved them in the flower garland.

Not pictured here was a hanging garland of pink coffee filter garlands that I made. I hung it over the table from the ceiling and it was very beautiful. Also not pictured are the fabric napkins I sewed.

We fed our guests locally made Italian bread with chive butter and lasagna. You can find the recipes for the lasagnas here and here. One was a vegetarian butternut squash with sage butter and the other was a meat lasagna. Both equally good.

After we all stuffed ourselves on the food we opened presents.

Bean received new pajamas, a cute outfit, a pig stuffed with lavender scented beads that can be put in the microwave which releases the smell for a soothing bedtime pal, a Glamor Girl doll in her skin tone that we named Lizzy, and these amazing wooden black family dolls. Aren’t they amazing? We found them at an independent toy store in Ithaca, NY.

Bean loves these little dolls. She carries them around, waves their arms and makes them say “Hi” and talks to them. Her favorite one is the Daddy one.

After presents we sang Happy Birthday. She loved that. Nana helped her cut the cake.

She really enjoyed being sung to but she and her little friends were too busy playing to actually eat the cake. So the adults enjoyed it.

This was a raspberry cake filled with lemon pie filling and topped with lemon whipped cream. It tasted like spring. You can find the recipe here.

The rest of the evening was spent enjoying each others company, chasing after babies and toddlers, and laughing.

It was the perfect way to celebrate our little girl’s 2nd year of life.

Bean Is 2!

Dear Bean,

I cannot, with every fiber of my being, believe that you are two years old today.

How on Earth did this happen? How did you to grow into this wonderful toddler you are today? If it were up to Daddy and I, we wouldn’t allow you to get any older. Growing older means that one day you wont need us as much or believe that we’re the funniest people you know and that breaks our hearts. Into millions of pieces.

I guess I don’t have much say in you growing up. Growing just kind of happens and so Daddy and I are trying our best to embrace it, accept it, and capture it all.

We want it all. Your laughs, your tears, your screams. We want your questions, your doubts, your defiance. We want your hugs, kisses, silly looks, and bright eyes. Your little fingers that stroke our cheeks sometimes and your frazzled curls. We want all of you, every.single.day.

It seems like you have always been in our life because honestly, though we sometimes think back about the days before you, we really didn’t start living until you were born.

Our little Vanilla Bean. Handed to us in a tightly wrapped blanket, cheeks so puffed we could barely see your eyes. And you stared up at me and I think your soul said, “Ah, so this is you. My Mommy.” and my soul said, “Yes, and I love you with everything thing I ever was or ever will be."

I watch you sometimes in complete awe, wondering how Daddy and I created something so perfect. And then I realize that we didn't do it alone but with God. But there was a time in my pregnancy that we didn’t know if we could keep you. We thought for sure God was calling you home.

But we prayed. Daddy and I prayed so hard that God would see we were perfect for each other and that we could do the most important job in both our lives.

We wanted you so bad. You were loved before we held you. So I don't dwell on the times when you throw tantrums or ask so many questions that my head spins. I remember that the time we have now is temporary and sacred. So, I happily kiss your booboos, engage in dance parties, answer questions, wipe your nose and your tears, feed you, and give you my last of pretty much everything: my food, my energy, my time, and my patience.

Being your Mommy is all consuming, much like my love for you and though sometimes you ware me thin, it doesn’t take long for my soul to replenish.

I am your Mother. You and I were connected since day one and because of that I know we will always be. I have loved you since the first day of your conception and I will love you far beyond my last day here.

-Mommy

Reid: Birth Story Part 3

When they took Reid out I was so relieved to hear him scream. He was loud and so strong. I only saw him for a few seconds before they took him behind the curtain to start working on cleaning him and making sure he was healthy.  I looked at TP who was still by my side and said "He looks just like Bean!"

I also started to cry. I was so happy that everything was going smoothly and that he was finally here.

TP left me to be with Reid who was still crying and I could hear him and the nurses comment on how beautiful they thought he was, how he had a head full of hair, and how big he was. The man standing over my shoulder asked me how much I thought Reid weighed and I told him I thought he had to be at least 8 pounds. I then remembered a conversation with my co-worker where I expressed my concern that Reid would be small, like around 7 pounds. I wanted, from the beginning of this pregnancy, a large 9 pound baby (like Bean) but wasn't sure if I'd be getting one. Carrying Reid around in my belly wasn't difficult and honestly I felt lighter than I did when Bean's pregnancy.

The nurses debated over his weight. One nurse thought he had to be 10 pounds and the other thought he was more around 9. I couldn't really hear them announce the weight of Reid because my doctors were telling me a joke and I was in the middle of responding.

"9 pounds, 7 ounces...He would have been 10 if he didn't pee so much" is what they told me as they handed my neatly wrapped bundle. I was so happy to have a big healthy baby and before I knew it we were both wheeled out of the operation room and back to triage.

There I was given medicine to help with nausea. But the medicine didn't work or maybe it made it worse because I held Reid for maybe 10 minutes before I started to throw up. Since my stomach was empty I threw up spit and bright green bile. I held a blue plastic bag to my face, throwing up constantly, but I was still so happy.

Through all of the hot flashes, the constant sweating, the throwing up and not being able to hold Reid for fear I'd throw up on him..I was still happy. I watched TP hold and snuggle him as I was examined and monitored. The nurses buzzed around me, trying to figure out why I was feeling so poorly and offering me more medication.

I had to get really bitchy with one nurse and I held up my hand in protest and said, "NO MORE MEDICATION! Thank you!" and she looked at me like I was some idiot but I didn't care. I wasn't feeling well (throwing up and dry heaving) and I just wanted to be left alone.

After my stay in the triage we were wheeled into our room where I continued to throw up, sweat, and feel like a car ran over me until about 9:30 at night (12 hours of non stop throwing up and extreme hot flashes).

I spent the rest of the night holding Reid and kissing his little face.

Some people may think because of how sick I was after having Reid, my experience wasn't the greatest.

But I don't feel that way.

I feel like I wouldn't change a thing because being sick reminded me that women give so much of themselves for their children. Which makes me feel strong, womanly, and majestic.

To sum it up..I'd do it all again.

-M

Reid: Birth Story Part 2

I was wheeled into the operation room where I was met by a team of people. There were two doctors (Dr. B and Dr. L who is also a practicing doctor at my OB office), a few nurses, and two extremely nice doctors who were in charge of my spinal tap. I was told that TP would be joining me as soon as I was numb and to get that process started I was encouraged to sit up and slouch over as far as I could.

At this point in time I remember trying to stay calm but while they were inserting the needle that made me feel like someone was poking their finger nail on my spinal cord (kind of tickled but mostly felt uncomfortable) I couldn't help but think, "I want my husband, where is he?" I was then laid back and as I began to feel the bottom half of me float away, I was reminded that all of this was real by the sometimes painful blood pressure cuff that inflated and deflated about every three minutes or so. I laid back and felt useless as the two men moved me onto my operating table and began to put sheets up around me.

I laid there, arms stretched out and strapped down to the sides of me, trying to find a focal point. I finally found one that actually said "Focus" on the handle of a light and stared at it as people buzzed around me. I was asked several times if I was doing okay and while they put the oxygen tubes in my nose I just nodded. What else could I say?

 "Just kidding everyone..I change my mind about this whole thing now."

No, there was no turning back.

One of the men poked me a few times to make sure I was numb and when I was they sent TP in. It was such a relief actually seeing him, even if he did look funny in his scrubs and surgical mask. He held my hand as they began to operate.

It's a weird thing, being operated on when you're wide awake. Even though I didn't feel any pain, I could feel the pressure and the tugging on my skin. I was there, flat on my back, being pulled and cut on as I tried desperately to think of something else but the smell of my own insides always brought be back to the present.

TP and I staid behind the curtain the entire surgery but I did have someone who stood over me and reported what was happening every step of the way:

"They're cutting through your abdominal wall now"
"They're now reaching your uterus. Because your water wasn't broken you may see a squirt of liquid"
"Dad. Stand up and get your camera ready, they're going to pull him out now."
"Mom you may feel huge amount of pressure on your chest and you may not be able to breathe for a few seconds...Ready?"

And there he was.

-M

Reid: Birth Story Part 1

The night before Reid was born, TP and I had the worst time trying to sleep. Not only was the anticipation of his birth looming, but the heat had managed to seep into our apartment despite the air conditioner. It was sticky and no matter what we tried, sleep didn't happen.

TP whispered to me that on top of the heat he was feeling too anxious to sleep and so he spent his time vegging out infront of the computer. Normally I would have begged him to try and sleep, but I was dealing with my own anxiety by way of tossing and turning, staring at the street lights, and listening to drunkards enjoy their night.

By the time we really slept, it was 3:00am. At 4:00am my alarm went off and I slowly moved out of bed. I gently woke up TP and watched as he babbled and wobbled around in confusion. The heat and no sleep meant he was barely functioning and every simple request (like asking him to take bags to the car) was met by a sluggish spacey response. Finally he had managed to pack the car and while he made a green smoothie, I stared at myself infront of our dressor mirror.

I was naked with anticeptic wipes in my hand, slowly wipping myself down. I continued to think and stare at my stomach and think some more. I turned to the side and realized that I wouldn't be looking and feeling this way for some time and as I bathed myself with sticky soap, I said goodbye.

We drove to the hospital and made small talk. What is there to talk about when you're only two and a half hours out from meeting your son? Not much. The morning was still so hot but I like to think that even without the muggy air, we would have still sweat in anticipation.

TP and I settled into the hospital labor and delivery triage room where I was poked three times in various places before they found a successful vein for my IV. I was so dehydrated (because c-section patients aren't allowed to eat or drink after midnight) and all the typical veins used for IVs were collapsing. The nurse unsuccessfully tried and had to call in a hospital specialist who also failed twice before he succeeded in an odd and uncomfortable spot.

We laid behind our closed curtain room, Reid moving around inside, as the nurses busied themselves with another woman. I felt bad that while TP and I were giggling at our inside jokes in preperation of our child's birth she was desperately trying to stop her labor at 26 weeks. We laid there sometimes, in silence, listening to her moan in agony and her husband's soft voice ask questions that no one had the answers to. I don't know what happened to her but I'm choosing to believe that they are back home now, baby still thriving and waiting for the right time.

We both fell in and out of sleep as they collected information via monitors for two hours. I would sometimes wake up and look over at TP, his mouth hanging open, and smile.

Right around the time we were supposed to be wheeled into the operation room I could hear the nurse call my doctor:

"Dr. B...You're running a little late."
"...Don't you remember?"
"You have a c-section scheduled for today at 7:30"
"Yes..Yes you do..We're all waiting on you."

My doctor had forgotten about us! TP and I stared at each other but we weren't surprised. My doctor is a bit of a space cadet and maybe I would have been a little more upset if he was an hour late or if I was waiting for a life saving operation, but his 15 minute delay was a slight hiccup. Besides, I didn't want to upset myself.

When Dr.B finally came into the triage and told me he was ready for the operation I just smiled. I didn't expect an apology and he didn't give one, only his optomistic report that everything should be great.

I was told to lie back as they wheeled me off into the operation room....


-M

Welcome

Understanding Natural Family Planning Methods: SDM

Natural Family Planning: The Standard Days Method ®

The Standard Days Method (SDM) is a new method of Natural Family Planning (NFP) developed by the Institute for Reproductive Health at Georgetown University. SDM is 95% effective when used correctly. 5 out of 100 women practicing this method correctly for one year will get pregnant. The effectiveness of any method of NFP varies from couple to couple. All NFP methods are significantly less effective for couples who do not follow the method closely.

SDM works for women with menstrual cycles from 26 to 32 days long. To use the method, couples abstain from sexual intercourse on days 8 through 19 of the woman's menstrual cycle or uses condoms and spermicide. If a woman has more than one cycle per year that is shorter than 26 days, or longer than 32 days, the method effectiveness decreases significantly and a different method of NFP should be used.

Using the Standard Days Method:

1. On any ordinary calendar, mark the day when your period first begins as Day 1 and circle it.

2. Then mark the same day of the week, one week later, as Day 8 and circle it.

3. Count forward from Day 8 to Day 19 and circle it.

4. Draw a solid line through days 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, and 19.
For these twelve days (days 8 through 19), abstain from all sexual intercourse, if you wish to avoid conception.

Below is an example of how to mark your calendar.

5. When your next period begins, mark that day as Day 1 of the next cycle.

6. Then go back to the previous cycle on the calendar and count the total number of days in the previous cycle. Put a square around the total number of days for each cycle. So if a cycle was 30 days long, the last day will be marked 30.

Keep these calendar pages, so that you have a record of how long each cycle was. Only one cycle per year can be less than 26 days, or more than 32 days.

If more than one cycle per year was shorter than 26 days or longer than 32 days, use a different method of Natural Family Planning.


Why the Standard Days Method works

Researchers at the Institute for Reproductive Health at Georgetown University discovered that ovulation most often occurs about the midpoint of a woman's menstrual cycle.

30.1% of cycles had ovulation at the midpoint of the cycle. In approximately 89% of cycles, ovulation occurs within plus or minus 3 days of the midpoint day.

The chance of conception from intercourse on the day of ovulation is 8 to 10%.

But SDM also takes into account the chance of conception from sexual intercourse in the days before and after ovulation. The ovum remains viable for only 12 to 24 hours after ovulation, so conception can occur from sexual intercourse no later than one day after ovulation. The sperm remain viable for 5 to 6 days after intercourse, so conception can occur from sexual intercourse up to 5 or 6 days prior to ovulation. However, the probability of conception from intercourse even 5 days before ovulation is only about 5%.

The greatest chance of conception occurs one and two days before ovulation.

Taking into account these percentages, researchers determined a fertile window within the menstrual cycle (see the fertile window chart below) from day 8 through day 19.

They tested their method in a study of 478 women for a total of over 4,000 menstrual cycles. The study demonstrated the method to be over 95% effective with correct use. The method was 88% effective in typical usage (some couples did not always abstain during the entire fertile time).

Since the study, SDM has been used by many women around the world. SDM has proven to be an effective, safe, easy-to-learn method of NFP.


Like always, I would love to know if anyone has used this method, has any additional research or real life experiences?

Understanding Hormone Based Birth Control

I have been on birth control since I was 15 years old. At that point I nor my mom knew very much about the different types of birth control. She knew about the pill and I knew only what she knew. So I ended up taking the pill and not that I had a super active sex life, but it had been fine until some time after Bean's birth.

Once TP and I were ready to be sexually active again, I went back to what I knew: the pill. Only this time my body was different. When they say a woman's body changes after she has a baby, they are telling the truth. I no longer felt the same on the pill and though I tried different types, we weren't happy with it. Probably my number one complaint about the pill was my low sex drive, (though I know no one can believe that since we are on #2, ha!).

So this time around I am doing my research on hormone based birth control. It's probably the longest post I've ever compiled but it's nice to have all the research in one place. Information was provided by Planned Parenthood.

re-framing

A while a go I wrote a long post about wanting to have a vaginal birth with our son. After Bean's birth I felt cheated and so sad that I had been ignorant about birth which I believe led me to have a c-section. I meant every single thing I said in that post and so it made the decision not to have a vaginal birth harder.

Here are some reasons we chose to have another c-section:

Planning
It saddens me that we don't have the luxury of having a spontaneous birth. For several reasons we have decided that my mom will need to be with Bean during our stay in the hospital, regardless of our birth choice. I read several blogs of women who recently gave birth who had readily available mothers for the care of their first child. Not only did I glow green with envy, but I felt sad and somewhat cheated that we didn't have that option. My mother isn't able to receive a call any day to come and help us. Because of her work and life obligations her arrival and time to stay with us had to be scheduled.

We also didn't feel comfortable putting the burden on the few friends we have here. The two women that I could see helping us keep Bean will have newborns and it isn't fair for them to be burdened with a tricky 1 year old when they are just trying to figure out their own life's transition.

Bean could go to daycare but that wasn't an option we wanted. If I happened to go into labor at night she would have to come with us. But that would mean, because of her age, she and TP would have to wait in the waiting room until after I gave birth. She could go to the daycare during the day but that would mean TP would have to leave me, pick her up, and be home with her at night while I staid in the hospital. Knowing how helpful he was with my last recovery, that isn't an option.

So unfortunately, the c-section for our son provides us with the optimal arrangement for our family.

Uterine Rupture

I know that the chance of uterine rupture is 1% for vaginal births after cesarian (VBAC) but after a long conversation with TP, I decided that I couldn't live with myself if I happened to fall into that 1%. After all, someone has to, right? I don't think I could live with the death of a child because of the birth choice I consciously made. I know that infant death during birth (even with c-section) happens but I felt more comfortable knowing that I was choosing something with my child's best interest in mind, not just my selfish wants.

C-section anyway

I had an appointment with a doctor in my area that does VBACs and after that meeting I felt extremely defeated and sad. I got into my car, called my husband, and was on the verge of tears. I had about 20 questions for him, one of them being "At what weight prediction would you not consider giving me a VBAC?". He thought for a moment and said "9 pounds." My heart sank. Bean was 9 pounds 2 ounces and I'm expecting this baby to be just as big or bigger. So after all the preparation to have a vaginal birth  I wouldn't find this out until the few weeks before my due date if it were possible. Too much time, preparation, and high hopes only to be flushed down the drain by a prediction (that is often wrong).

Hospital Stay

When the doctor told me that I may end up with a c-section anyway I then thought about the hospital he delivers out of. It is the biggest in our area, has a very large staff, doesn't provide private rooms, and doesn't guarantee space for TP during overnight stays. So not only would the chance of a c-section be very real for me, I would be doing it in a hospital that doesn't really cater to individual needs. After the great experience I had at a smaller hospital with Bean, I knew that I didn't want this option.

If I were to schedule a c-section I could do it with the doctor's office that I felt comfortable with and have my stay in a small setting with great staff and a private room.


So I know that the above reasons may not be acceptable to some people but it was the thought process that we had when deciding to have another c-section. A part of me is mourning a birth that I wont' have with our son but the other half keeps me in perspective.

On July 22, 2011 we will have our son and I am trying to find peace with our choices.

-M

my birth experience

It has taken me a year to realize that I cheated myself out of a birth experience I wanted.

Though I wrote a long post about B's birth, I realize now that the way I brought my daughter into the world wasn't what I wanted. At that time I thought it was but I've done some soul searching and discovered that I had been lying to myself. I thought, at the time, I was making an educated choice but I realize now, I was selfish and had no idea what I was doing.

My ignorance was because I felt overwhemled during that pregnancy. I was half way across the country away from family, a newlywed,  in graduate school, and I was overwhelmed by the amount of information on the Internet. So overwhelmed that I gathered what information I could and then stopped. I stopped researching, stopped educating myself, and probably stopped caring because I thought I knew enough.

I'm not sure if we ever know enough about anything, but I am sure now that I didn't know anything then.

I do have regrets about the way Bean was born and the majority of those regrets are because I did not give birth to my child the way I wanted to. I didn't know how I wanted to give birth to her but a year later I feel empty. I don't blame the doctor who delivered our daughter or the hospital. I blame myself. After obtaining two degrees that promote self advocacy and education, I'm ashamed that I didn't do it.

Once a woman has a c-section, she will always have to give birth this way- That is a myth and unfortunately I was letting my ignorance threaten another delivery. I was told by two practices (the one I left because of their horrible service and my current practice) that having a vaginal birth after c-section (VBAC) wasn't an option for me. At first I blindly accepted that fact. It seemed like the choices I made a year ago were going to leave me empty again if I didn't educate myself.

You have the right to experience your feminity and bring our child into the world as natural as possible- TP

After doing research that debunked many reasons why women supposedly aren't able to have VBACs I called my husband and broke down crying. I couldn't believe that I was doing it again. I was allowing my birth experience to be stolen. I was letting a group of people make decisions about my body and my baby without taking a moment to question that.

But something in me screamed. In a country that is supposed to be free, why was I being pigeon holed into a false choice? Not anymore and never again.

Yesterday we decided that we were going to have our cake and eat it too.

My name is Meg and I'm going to give birth to my son vaginally.