Maintaining What I Have

My mom and I talk every day. No lie.
Pretty much this is how the conversation goes if I don’t hear from her in a day:

Message
“Hello ____ (daughter/mother) this is your ___ (daughter/mother), ___ (Meg/Madonna).
Do you remember me? I’am the one who ____ (gave birth to you/you birthed) on January 8, 1987.
Just wondering if you forgot about me. Call me back, my number is _____”

I truly treassure my relationship with my mom. She’s one of my best friends. Always honest and there with open arms.

Our conversation the other day:

“I truly feel like this is where we’re supposed to be right now.”
“I think so.”

Those are very comforting words. There aren’t many things that can top approval from your mom as you journey through life.

You all remember when I was in turmoil over our current location. That was such a rough time for me, so it was nice to write about it.

I began feeling at ease when we put ourselves around positive people who love Syracuse with an insane passion. But I think the real moment of change (after so much praying) came when Mozart received this wonderful opportunity.

Leading up to that I prayed (mostly on the toilet because that’s the only time I kind of get peace, is that wrong? Does God give a side eye to toilet prayers? Ugh.) for a sign to let me know we were on the right path. I figured it Mozart was given this opportunity, it was the sign I was looking for... And after that my heart has been still.

The signs and blessings keep rolling in. Offerings for Mozart to preform at fancy benefit parties and gallery openings and even a possible trip to Sweden in the spring (what the what!?).

Even with all that, my mind still wonders.

We had a close friend over for dinner and she has a job interview that would allow her family to move closer to her mom and siblings.
I began to panic.

I thought, “Should we be moving?”

But I’m at the market yesterday with Bean, eating donuts,  picking out organic pumpkins and eyeing local apples. We snuggle on the couch and I receive a phone call from my mom and we discuss details about her watching the kids while we attend a wedding at the end of the month.

I hang up and start soaking beans for today's chili, I make nut butter popcorn, and I take a moment to watch the changing leaves outside of our window. I take Bean to the potty several times (all a success), I shoo Synclaire from Reid’s ankles, I hug my husband, and we lie around eating our last supply of Popsicles.

Right now our stomachs are full of pumpkin french toast and my chili is cooking. We’re going to a farm to feed goats and pick out pumpkins that look like our heads. We will eat apple cider donuts and I’ll shred local cheddar cheese for our dinner tonight.

I may complain a lot and have moments of irrational thoughts but at the end of the day I know we are supposed to be here and my friend is trying to get where she thinks her family needs to be.

And we are not on the same journey and so I can’t compare myself to her. She is striving for something and I am currently maintaining what I have.

The boy with no name

We still don't have a name for our son which is something that is becoming the norm in our family. Though mind boggling for friends and family, it just seems natural to wait until we see what he looks like.

With Bean we had a few names on a list that we packed deep inside our hospital bag just in case. And when they wrapped her up burrito-style and handed her to me I went blank. I was so overwhelmed by such a small person and the idea of giving her a name seemed like the most important thing I could do at that moment.

It wasn't until they took me into recovery and TP walked around the corner with her in his arms, looking so damn handsome and proud, that I held her again. I knew instantly and I remember what I said. "Her name is ____." I looked at TP and he smiled and nodded and told me that it was a good name. It was actually on our short list of three but it was perfect and I look at her now and know that waiting until we see our children is the best way to name them.

So we are waiting until we see his squishy face and this time we are even more relaxed about the naming process. We are throwing around a few options but nothing seems to stick or we have a great first name but no middle name that flows nicely with our difficult last name. So we are being patient. I am waiting until I hold him and something stirs within us as parents and that will be his name.

I do imagine that his name will be strong. We are fans of strong sounding names. Names that sound like Presidential candidates and not escorts. Names that invoke the phrase, "___? Oh my god, yeah they are so hot." We want names that follow "Honorable ___ now presiding" or "Principal ___ will now speak to you." or perhaps "Your local representative ____" or maybe "Hi, I'm ___. I'm your social worker"- You get the idea.

Something strong with a little bit of flavor is how we describe the way we name our children.

But don't worry. Second to close family and friends, will be the first to know what we decide.

-M

two under two

When we first found out we were going to have our second baby the reaction was much like the first"

I sat on the toilet, read the directions on the package, and listened to TP pace in the living room. I then peed on the stick, stuck the cap on, turned it upside down so I couldn't see the results forming, and rocked back in forth on the toilet. Guessing the results were in, I cleaned myself, got up, flushed the toilet, buttoned my pants, washed my hands and grabbed the test (still face down).

I took a deep breath, flipped it over, blinked a few times, opened my mouth and whispered "Fuck me." I am very aware that saying "Fuck me" when you get the news that God has blessed you with a new life isn't the best reaction or one that should be shared with anyone other than myself and my husband, but I'm being honest here. After a moment to myself, I leave the bathroom to a sweating husband, both of us with awkward and nervous "should I cry?" smiles on our faces, and I would hand him the test. He says something like "Aw baby!" and hugs and kisses me and I just stare blankly knowing that I have a little somethin' growing inside,

This time we took a deep breath and said "Here we go!" and laughed about our oopsie baby #2. Two oopsies in less than two years, I most definately atribute this to His work and the work of two grad school educated people who can't seem to figure out how birthcontrol really works.

It wasn't until about, oh I don't know, a few weeks ago that while Bean played on the floor and swatted her little hands at my very large feet that I realized something. I realized that in four very short months, I would be the mother of two children under two. That term in itself leaves most parents shuddering or crying under the table and I admit for a minute I didn't think it was too exciting. But I'm starting to re-think this whole situation. Although having two children under two means a lot of things (some of them very annoying and sure to cause substance abusing behavior) it is not a death sentence.

Here is what I'm looking forward to with my two children under two:

1. They will be extremely close friends and though this may cause some issues, I see it more positive than anything.

2. Potty training will happen for Bean and the youngest wont be too far behind. This is an opportunity to teach one and have the other observe, hopefully meaning that they pick up on it quickly too.

3. They will be learning similar things in school. This is great because Bean (or the other way around) will be able to help her younger sibling with school work and kind of pave the way of what to expect.

4. Purchases last longer. The bigger things like the bouncers, car seats, high chairs, toys, etc., will get more use. Instead of waiting in between children and toting around all the big baby items and hoping one day they will be used again or wont expire they can be used. When Bean is done with her high chair, her younger sibling will be ready to use it. When Bean gets tired of playing with a certain toy, it can get passed along to the younger baby.

There are probably a lot more I haven't thought of but I do know that I couldn't say no to having another one of these soon after Bean:

-M

feeding a 1 year old

I don't own any baby 'how-to' books other than Baby Wise (and soon to be Toddler Wise) partly because I don't enjoy someone telling me how to raise my child or what I should be expecting from a baby. This is because I am stubborn and like to think I have common sense, believe that I have instincts that tell me what my child should be doing, and I would become anxious and start to judge my parenting skills because my kid didn't hit the mile stone listed in the book. The only reason why I own Baby Wise and soon to be Toddler Wise is because I believe the author's views on raising children is similar to my own and they are books that don't weigh heavy on milestones and put a lot of value on common sense.

Common sense has recently kicked in and told me that Bean should be eating more and differently than she does now. Right now her diet consists mainly of baby food via a jar and a few other things but last night I was thinking that what she is eating isn't enough. So this morning I looked up a few research articles about the typical 1 year old diet and discovered that B should be drinking whole milk and eating more dairy. I also discovered that she should probably be getting a larger source of protein via veggies and meat as well as more fruits.

Now I don't think she is starving but I do think it's time for a diet change. What that means for me is actually having to get my butt in gear and cook evening meals that the whole family can eat. No more slacking on meal planning because the number one goal TP and I have for Bean is for her to live a healthy and fulfilling life. In part, helping her to achieve that means we do everything we can while she's in our home to establish healthy eating habits. She can only get that from living with two people who have their act together. Luckily we've been doing really well. We don't keep much (if any) processed food in the house and we don't give her any sugary snacks, no juice, and absolutely no fried foods.

There are a lot of blogs out there that have great suggestions about the typical 1 year old diet. Though I won't be following them to the letter (again I have common sense and my own style of doing things) they are great starting points for our family and for the beginning of the long healthy living journey.

-M