Guest Post | Tips to Keep Your Marriage Strong With a Sick Child

While sweet Meg is traveling and enjoying her well-deserved vacay, she has graciously arranged for some fun guest bloggers… I don’t know about you, but I really enjoyed Kate’s post on cake decorating.  As a budding baker (made my first “from scratch” items just last year… no lie), it’s great to see it all spelled out!

Meg asked me to write about maintaining a marriage when things are a little wonky.  More specifically, our almost two-year-old daughter, Paisley, has been battling a string of health issues and it has become a notable focal point in our lives.  



A bit of background:  

It seems that things started early for Miss Paisley – when she was just six weeks old, we were in the ER and I watched my baby get a spinal tap due to an unexplainable high fever.  From there, we have been through the illness buffet – asthma flares, strep, allergic reactions, infections, the daycare virus du jour, and so on.  Ironically, Paisley went to a follow up appointment for pneumonia yesterday afternoon (her second case in six months) and we need to ramp up treatment, keep her indoors, and come back next week.  Our pediatrician would like for a pulmonary specialist to see her due to the history of illness.  Luckily, I am blessed to work for an employer that allowed me to reduce my work schedule to two days a week so that Paisley could be at home more.  Paisley does not have a chronically horrible illness, which Jeromy and I are so so grateful for, but all of her separate incidents have made us regulars at the pediatrician’s office.  At this point, I think the fish in the waiting room even know our name – ha!  

There are many parents of young children who feel as though their kitchen counters look like a laboratory of nebulizer attachments, droppers, and prescription bottles, so I know that we are not alone in this.  And I am well aware that there are countless people that are suffering while watching their little ones fight life-threatening conditions and/or parents that don’t have access to medical care.  Even though there have been some trials for us in the last couple of years, they are a drop in the bucket compared to the tribulations of many people.  We are fortunate and blessed beyond measure even on our hardest days.

We all have different seasons of life and various focal points that can create an obstacle for our most valued relationships.  This post deals specifically with my spouse and how we are working around our daughter’s medical needs.  For someone else, the issue could be a demanding work schedule, school, distance, finances, etc. and how it relates to God, a parent, child, spouse, sibling, or friend.  

  Each of us have things tugging for our attention – at times, one side of the rope may grab us harder, but then we forcefully sway back to balance it out.  It is a constant dance, but as we keep doing it, we find new steps… new rhythms, even. Somehow, it just works.

Below is what is currently working for Jeromy and I…

  Solid Foundation  

I can’t do a post about marriage without mentioning our foundation.  I believe that our successes come from the fact that we value and want the same things (and our struggles sneak up when we lose sight of them).  Our mutual faith is an anchor for the times that we feel a little tempest tossed.  Because we have the same “big picture” view for our spirituality and life in general, there is never a need to question the other’s motives.  We are in this together, we know where we want to go, and we want the best for our family.  Jeromy and I rarely argue because I know that there is nothing that he says or does without my best interest at heart (and the same goes for me).  The elimination of needless quarreling or questioning allows us to have a higher quality of time together.  

Touching Base  

I have a feeling most couples do this, but we try our best to touch base throughout the day.  A quick text, email, or phone call goes a long way in making us feel connected.  Even taking time to relate a funny story can give you a momentary bond even though you are apart (like when I used a ruler to make straight lines while using a marker and then leaned on the ruler by accident, unknowingly leaving big black marks all over my face for a portion of the work day until my coworker friend told me).  Truth be told, I still get giddy when a sweet text saunters across my phone.    

Turning Off  

Becoming distraction-free when we have our nuggets of time together is something I am still working on, but it always yields fruit when practiced.  Jeromy and I have a “no phone” dinner rule, whether at home or out to eat.  It was enacted before Paisley was even born when we were sitting at Chili’s, looking down at our respective news stories or games or whatnot (which seems crazy, but look around next time you are out and you’ll see it happen).  We both had the same reaction when we realized what we were doing and have done better.  Slowly, our awareness has grown into other areas and I’m trying to be a more engaged listener to my sweetie.  Distractions come in many forms, but for us, the simple act of weeding out technology during “our time” has been a healthy boundary.    

Alone Time  

Even though it seems to be opposite, an important facet to our marriage is building in enough alone time, even though it sometimes feels that we don’t get enough “Mandy and Jeromy” time as it is.  He and I both have personal interests that we like to pursue solo and we try to encourage the other to take a time out from time to time.  For him, he is happy as a clam if he can go shooting, geocaching, fishing, or play around with his HAM radio.  For me, I like Starbucks dates with girlfriends, jogging, and photography.  Even though evenings together perusing through our Netflix queue is awesome sauce, the phrase “Hon – why don’t you get out for a bit on Saturday morning – I’ve got Paisley?” is just as crucial for our dynamic to work.  It is important to me that Jeromy nurtures all the qualities, skills, and interests that attracted me to him in the first place.  While we both love each other and our daughter, there is more to our marriage than that.  The recharge of a few hours “off the grid” can give each of us a fresh outlook and renewed vigor.  

  Last night, I was a bit stressed.  With Paisley being so sick, I had been unable to complete some tasks for work that I had committed to finish.  Without hesitation, Jeromy suggested he and Paisley disappear for a bit (drive around) so that I could focus on what I needed.  I got what I needed wrapped up and was able to blare my Pandora in the house.  Toward the tail end of belting out “Gravity,” I felt the boost I had been lacking and boom! - I was good to go for whatever came at me.  When Paisley burst through the door a bit later, arms flailing, I was eager to scoop her up and be a devoted mommy for the rest of the evening.  Even though instances like this aren’t “being together,” I can tell you that our marriage is strengthened by nurturing individual needs as they arise.  

Moral Support  

I am spoiled.  Jeromy has been through countless shenanigans with me.  I’m always dipping my hand into some sort of pot and he’s my logistical wingman to make sure it can happen, whether it is a photography shoot, a decorating project, or event I’m planning.  Jeromy has been a second shooter on achy feet after a full day behind the camera, puffed tissue pom balls at 2:00 a.m. for Paisley’s first birthday, read books on becoming the best natural labor coach ever, and helped me to find just the right hue of green for a wall.  He makes it his mission to support me and he has done a beautiful job at it.    

There was nothing so moving to me as the acts of solidarity he showed when Paisley was a newborn.  Without getting into all the details, I had a really tough time with breastfeeding and to date, it was one of the worst emotional/physical struggles I’ve had.  Even though Jeromy could have rightfully and logically slept through those hard nights, he would still get up with me and just “be there” for me without any prompting.  It meant so much to this hormonal, irrational, sleep-deprived new momma to have my best friend on the couch as I tried to figure out how to feed and satisfy our baby girl (Jeromy always found good TV shows for me to watch, too – score!).    

To this day, if Paisley is up with anything beyond a quick diaper change or a drink of water, we’re both there in full force.  We are a team and that alone is my favorite thing about “us.” A spouse who is with you through thick and thin can do wonders for your marriage, even if there aren’t many candlelight dinners on the calendar.  We can all find ways to support each other, even if it is just a gentle presence or words of encouragement.  

Drives  

Some of Jeromy’s and my first dates were spent driving around the lake or downtown or just wherever – and the conversations that were held in the cab of “White Stallion” (his truck) are some of my most treasured.  Using the open road to connect is just kind of our thing.  

  When I was pregnant and couldn’t sleep during that nocturnal third trimester, Jeromy would look at me from across his pillow and say, “Wanna go for a drive?” and we would quickly find ourselves winding around the back roads of Grapevine Lake, talking about the change that was about to come into our lives until the first hint of pinky-purple began to shadow on the sky (which signaled the time I was finally tired).  The tradition continued when Paisley had a small stint of colic and we both found temporary relief from her upset cries and contemplated that we would swap sleeping in the passenger seat while the other drove.    

Our family drives have become all the more valued during the times that Paisley is sick and we don’t want her in public or around loved ones.  It’s our way to stretch our legs from the familiar walls of the house and create the perfect setting for meaningful exchange.  Paisley looks outside with wonder as we enter “new territory” and loves to label the items she knows.  Jeromy and I become a captive audience to each other.  I fancy talking with my husband during our outings and feel like we’re sneaking in a faux date when Paisley is peacefully zonked out in the back.  I think all couples can find something like this that brings them back to basics and ushers them through life’s changes.  I have a feeling that when we’re older, we’ll still be exploring stagnant roads and pretty places.    

A Little Bit of Sweet  

When Paisley was born, I had it in my head that Jeromy and I were going to go on a date a month.  I was so so so wrong.  We average a date every 3-4 months these days, usually around special events (anniversary, birthday, etc.) when we make a point to arrange it – and even at that, we are still averaging higher than a lot of people.  It is something I hope we can work on, but for now, we have to find other ways to bring the romance in.    

Life now is a far cry from the nice dinners and outings we once enjoyed (much like every parent out there), but the romance isn’t dead by any means.  Jeromy will still leave a love note here and there for me, usually during a time where I need encouragement.  I remembered this week that he has been craving some chocolate milk and had needed some graph paper for his latest project around the house, so I picked some up while on a quick store run the other night, which tickled him pink.  These seemingly little acts are the spark that chant “Even though our house is strewn with toys and there are medicine stains on our shirts, I still notice you, babe.  Making you happy brings me joy.”  Random sweetness makes me feel like I’m “his girl” which is a pretty spectacular thing to be.    

So there you go – the “things that are working for us right now in this stage” list.  There are no big surprises or revelations.  There is nothing particularly outstanding that defies common knowledge.  But that’s the thing, isn’t it?  Even though grand gestures are nice, they aren’t the true fuel of what makes our true relationship engines run (whether it’s with God, family, or friends).  It’s all the little bits of effort and everyday exchanges that make or break us.  It’s about time.    

We are far from being a perfect or ideal couple, but Jeromy and I are blissfully happy together despite the wonkiness of it all.  I’m so thankful to the road that has brought us to this point and know that the things that work now will bend and curve to new traditions.  And that’s okay – as long as I have my buddy by me.    

I’m interested to learn how others overcome obstacles in their valued relationship(s).  What works best for you right now?  How do you find the time and effort to maintain the good?

Guest Post | Honesty Without Oversharing {Most Of The Time}

I don't encourage censorship.

When I first started Razing Mayhem two years ago, I wrote each entry as if I were writing to a friend. Those first posts were too deeply personal, rooted in a past I wanted to leave behind, riddled with obscenities, and when I think about them I cringe.

There are many things I am still write openly about, despite being warned against doing so - my ongoing battle with depression and anxiety, for one, and how I'm coping with a diagnosis of Dermatillomania a few months ago. Some of these posts are raw, and most of them are tremendously sad.

My blog is the epitome of "what you see, is what you get", and from potty training woes to our current endeavor to conceive our final child, I'll write about anything we're living through. While I handle my other entries a little more delicately now, I am still able to share the things that make my life what it is without making people uncomfortable {I haven't gotten any complaints, at least} or sacrificing any truth.

I employ this with parenting too, when speaking to our children, we are always truthful and delicate.
For instance, when I was pregnant with our youngest son, Severus, our oldest son, Caesar - prompted by a statement from one of his teachers - came home from preschool asking; "Is there a baby growing in your tummy, Mommy?" he was concerned because he'd learned about the digestive system and was worried as to how the baby would fare in my stomach.

I gently explained that the baby was actually growing in my uterus, which was a much safer environment for him. That was all Caesar cared to know, no need to go into the details of how the baby got there, or how he was coming out, and no further questions were asked.

We're big proponents of honesty as the best policy, because trust and communication are the basis of any good relationship, and we have zero tolerance for fibbing. I feel that as the authority figures, we are expected to uphold this as we expect our children to. We want them to wholly understand - it is such an important rule that even Mommy and Daddy honor it.

We are their biggest influences for now, and if children learn what they live, we want them to live, learn and perpetuate truthfulness the same way it was taught to us.
Many people disagree, however. They feel that being as honest as we are crosses the line between parent and friend, some feel that children are stripped of their childhoods without some blissful ignorance.

What's your stance?

Monique authors the stunningly mediocre Razing Mayhem, the personal blog where she chronicles her life as a wife, mother of four, and photography enthusiast. You can also find her on Google Plus, Twitter, Facebook and about a million other networks.

Guest Post | Decorate Cakes Like a Pro

Hi Y'all! I'm Kate and I blog over at The Kate Mixes about my life and my attempt to reach my goal weight by the end of 2012 (spoiler alert - it doesn't seem likely right now but I'm pushing hard!). One of my hobbies is baking and recently I've started selling my cakes for parties and events. Today I'm here to do a tutorial on how you can make your own cakes look awesome without buying a lot of fancy, expensive, and/or single-use equipment. One of the most important things to realize about cake decorating is that it can be as complicated or as simple as you'd like. Just a few steps can take your

cake from this:



to this:



 things you'll need:

Plus whatever embellishments you'd like to use and plenty of time.

For this tutorial I'm going to show you two possible designs - one just uses frosting and food coloring, the other requires sprinkles as well. But using the steps I give you here you can ultimately do whatever you'd like. Think "outside the box" when it comes to embellishments.

You don't need to make your own roses or hydrangeas from piped icing or gum paste! I mean, if you want to stand around hunched over intricate detail work for hours upon hours, by all means, go to it.

But remember that this thing is just going to get eaten - and I can't remember the last time I heard someone say, "I'd really like more of that sugary frosting on my cake." - usually people say the exact opposite.

Visit the craft store and look for lightweight items you can use like ribbon, buttons, toys, or even paper! You're not restricted to edible items.

Adorable, no? And pinwheels are a simple project.

A word about embellishments - anything that's going directly on frosting is likely to get greasy if it sits too long. Use tape to line the back of your ribbon or paper to protect it against an ugly grease stain. Plastic items like flowers or toys won't have an issue with this.

Got your plan? Let's do it.

Stay Balanced.

Start by baking your cake. If you have a food scale in the house, you can weigh your pans before you bake the cake so you know the batter was evenly distributed between the two layers. If not, just eyeball it.

Even with box mix I will turn the oven down by 25 degrees and extend my baking time. This makes your cakes come out with a little dome on top - but don't stress! While they're still super hot and in the pan just take your GLOVED hand and push down until it's flat.

And that just saved you the trouble of having to level a cake. Before you ask - yes, you have to have a level cake or you're begging for catastrophe.

Get Frosted.
When your cake is completely cool you can frost it. I will pop my cake layers in the freezer to make sure they're entirely cool before I start frosting.

I almost never cool cakes on a wire rack - the weight of the cake will create lines from the rack in your cake. This isn't the end of the world but it can be tricky to work around wire marks.

I do a crumb coat - one thin, thin layer of frosting on the cake first to catch all the "crumbs."

Here's an example of what that looks like from a cake my roommate once made (she was in the process of decorating it - but I think you know I mean the thin white frosting, not the stuff that's been piped on):

Then I put the whole thing in the fridge and wait for 30 minutes. Then I go back and just frost that sucker.

It won't be smooth and pretty at this point and that's okay. But DO use the flat edge of your knife instead of the serrated edge when you do this! Then, again, put the whole thing in the fridge for at least 30 minutes.

Smooth it out.

When your frosted cake is hard to the touch - as in, not just crispy frosting crust (ew) but actually solid - you can take it out of the fridge and get to smoothing. I will use my (clean) bare fingers for this or a clean knife.

Get a cup of warm water to dip your knife in and use that to smooth out any rough spots you might see. This gives your cake a more polished look and it doesn't need to be totally perfect.

Don't forget to clean up your plate!

Decorate away.

With your cake smooth you'll be able to get to the fun part - decorating!

This is where you let your creativity go wild - in a very controlled and planned way, of course. Icing tips are not expensive and you can often find them at the grocery store - but if you don't want to buy one it's not always necessary. Just cut the tip off an already filled ziploc baggie and have at it!

If you're not confident in your drawing skills, stick to simple tasks. I ran one line of piping along the bottom of the cake and one around the top, then added sprinkles to create this fun look:

But if you're used to piping and/or feeling good about your drawing abilities, why not try creating a pattern of swirly "S" shapes?

You can see that mine are not perfect - but if you were to pop this guy back in the fridge you'd be able to tidy up those little spikes really easily with a toothpick or your finger. To creat the border at the bottom, you just do a back and forth motion as you're piping the edge. Imagine that you're drawing little "Z" shapes:

This looks even better when you use a serrated icing tip, but as you can see it's not a necessity. Once you do own a tip you can also use it to make your cupcakes look neat and tidy:

And I tell you - once you've successfully piped a few dozen cupcakes you will never go back to the old smear method again. It's SO much faster and the results are spectacular. For cupcakes I recommend a larger tip - just don't get carried away because remember that not everyone likes frosting very much.

I know at this point you're saying, "Kate, this is all well and good, but won't you show us the finished cake?"

Sure. I've dubbed this masterpiece "The Hot Mess Cake!"

If you have any specific questions or want advice for a particular cake please feel free to ask! You can catch up with me on any of these sites:

Twitter | Facebook | Pinterest | Blog

Thanks, Meg, for having me post today! I hope you're having fun on your vacation.

Vacation Time | Out West

That’s right!
I’m out of here!

I’m heading to see friends in Colorado and Wyoming.

I’m not sure if many of you know this, I earned my graduate degree at the University of Denver.

Married, pregnant, and a new mom. I didn’t have much time to make friends. In fact, that’s my biggest regret of graduate school.

You see, I don’t have a naturally magnetic personality. Shocking, I know. But my friends will tell you that they thought I was mean when they first saw/met me. I think that’s due to my natural tendency to keep things to myself (even though I have a blog, ha!) and say what I think and feel with a very small filter.

I’ve been told I appear to be stand offish, stuck up, mean, and aggressive at first. So you can see why I’m amazed that I have a husband and friends! But I think that’s because I do warm up quickly to people I like.

But in graduate school I didn’t really have time to socialize.

I was figuring out what it meant to be married, pregnant, and a student. While some of my peers went to class and happy hour, I was doing laundry for two, eventually three, cooking meals, cleaning, and studying.

When we found out we’d be expecting a baby I had to rev up my academic program. I started my internship in late July so that I could have 6 weeks of internship maternity leave.

We came home with Bean on a Saturday and I went back to class on Monday. I had to keep my focus so that I could graduate on time. So friends were an after thought.

But I did manage to make three friends while I was there.

Mozart and I became friends with Kelly instantly. She’s one of THE most beautiful (inside and out) people I know. And man, you talk about a contagious and amazing laugh, she has it. She’s absolutely sweet and we’re so glad our friendship has continued.

Melissa in Wyoming didn’t become my friend so quickly. You see, I thought it was weird that she was so friendly. I actually thought she was nosey. But what I found out, through her amazing persistence, is that people from Wyoming are just naturally friendly and she didn’t give up on me. Which I’m glad she didn’t because she’s also very amazing. And incredibly witty.

These two ladies are hosting me for a week! This is a long time coming and I’ll be  gone from my family for a whole week. But not to worry.

The babes are off with their Philly family, eating Haitian food and growing inches (cause that’s what Haitian food does to people..it’s SO good) and Mozart is hanging out with his best friend at home in Syracuse. Bachelor pad style.

We wont all be together again until July 30th.

I’m really excited though. I will miss my family but I’m looking forward to reconnecting with friends and hitting up some of my favorite places to eat in Denver like Jamba Juice (I worked there in graduate school) and Noodles & Co.

I’m going to see real cowboys and a real rodeo in Wyoming! We’re going to a concert (I’ve never been to one!) and I’m excited to eat at a few steak houses and do...whatever it is people do in Wyoming.

In the mean time I have some guest bloggers lined up (including Mozart!!) and I’ll be active on Instagram, so check me out (link is the little camera on the right sidebar).

Question. 

Have you ever been to Wyoming? If so, what did you do there?

Guest Post: Riana from Beyond My Wildest Dreams

I’m so happy to have a guest blogger for you all today! It’s Riana from Beyond My Wildest Dreams.

 I hope you enjoy!

Do one thing every day that scares you

 Hello readers of Moments Like This! Meg was kind enough to let a me guest post on her blog today and I'm so thankful for the opportunity. I'm Riana and I blog here:

I'm a 23 year old who loves: all things Disney, running, eating gummy worms, reading, having fun, and has a passion for traveling.

 Today I wanted to share a quote with you that I try to live by, "Do one thing every day that scares you." -Eleanor Roosevelt

Many times we fear something and then let that fear limit us or hold us back from experiencing something new. Eating, watching, doing, ____________ (insert your choice of verb here) something new can teach us so much about ourselves and the world we live in. We can never learn from that which we don't try. The very thing that scares you could end up being something very rewarding that you truely love and enjoy.

 I know it's not actually feasible to do one thing every day that scares you, but it's more about living every day a little outside of your comfort zone. I never want to live with regrets for not taking full advantage of an opportunity or situation that was given to me.

Last November I traveled to Cancun, Quintana Roo, Mexico. I had a blast trying new foods, drinks, and experiencing new activities while on vacation. We did a few extreme sports while we were there: atv riding through the jungle, jumping from a ledge into a cenote (a natural pit exposing natural ground water), zip lining, riding jet skis, and repelling. All of these activities were out of my comfort zone because I'm afraid of heights (something to do with falling to my death) and scared of high speeds. Another tourist on vacation said to me, "How often are you in Cancun? Go big or go home." He was right I had to take full advantage of where I was and the activities that were available.

 Here are some photos from my trip to Cancun:

I counted to 10 like 20 times before actually jumping. I can't really remember how high it is but I think it's about 100 feet from the water.

The bottom of the cenote. Isn't it pretty?

Zip lining in the jungle

Repelling. Idk how I managed to smile, I was sooo scared. I almost decided to skip this part.

You see why though right? You're a zillion feet in the air and there is nothing to set your feet on!! You're holding yourself. See that red rope on the left? In the time it took me to repel down, 4 people whizzed past me.

They told us not to go too fast, I was wayyy under their speed limit. My definition of fast and their definition of fast are two different things.

I just threw this one in for fun cause I liked it. (Another Cenote)

So remember to live each day a little outside of your comfort zone and do something every day that scares you. I'd love it if you stopped by my blog and checked it out!