Creating Magic

I think one of the best things about being a parent is the ability to create magic for kids.

And sometimes the magic is created from almost nothing (a few sheets, some chairs, and Christmas lights) but good intentions and a need to keep what currently is (young wild minds) engaged and mesmerized...And for a short while...preserved.

There's nothing better than seeing my kids' faces light up when they believe the world has flipped upside down because something has to be off kilter in order for this magic thing to be right in front of them.

They look at whatever it is, eyes wide and mouths open, look back and me and then back at it and then back at me for confirmation.

I confirm that yes, in the middle of our living room is a tent made of blankets with twinkling lights.

I wanted to take our Christmas card photos in this tent but things weren't working out and I was so disappointed. I was tempted to take it down until I heard Bean and Reid laughing uncontrollably inside.

So I left it up and I have to say, I'm glad I did. They enjoyed themselves and it was a very pretty part of our lives for a short while.

The best part was when the kids slept Mozart and I crawled underneath to spend some time alone and it was...magical.

I suppose even as adults we can still find a bit of this magic in some places.

Fall 2012 Bucket List

You guys, I’m so excited for the fall season! I’ve been prepping for some time now (fall home tour coming soon) and if I’m completely honest... I’ve been burning fall candles since the beginning of August.

I have such fond memories of fall when I was a kid. My mom made her own potpourri that smelled like cinnamon, cloves, apples, and oranges and there were plenty of cookies in the oven, and warm blankets. She always made me the best Halloween costumes too.

We think fall and winter is a time for families to turn inward. So we look forward to doing that by drinking plenty of fancy fall drinks, baking homemade pies, hosting a dinner party for friends, and watching our favorite movies- just to name a few.

I’m going to wrap myself in this season. I look forward to the days cooling off, chunky knit sweaters, scarves, and warming little baby toes.

It’s Almost Gone

This year is almost gone.

I look back at the beginning of the year when everything seemed possible. Sometimes I still feel that way but I did fall short of the super human self I swore I was destine to be.

Because life steps in. Struggles happen, family dynamics change, loved ones are lost, and there are bumps. New career paths are presented, current ones change course several times, booboos have to be kissed, marriages strengthened, and celebrations to be had. And sometimes life makes it so that there isn’t room for 50 pound weight losses or impeccable closets or crisp ironed skits.

Because we’re too busy experiencing new smiles, budding possibilities, new friendships, mended fences, and new life.

I’m not completely giving up on all my New Years Resolutions. Of course not.

But I’m not damning myself for the wonderful and not so wonderful detours. 

While I wasn’t losing 50lbs I was experiencing wonderful culinary adventures and figuring out how I can be true to myself while losing weight. And while my closets weren’t the cleanest I was chasing babies and teaching my daughter manners. And no, my clothes aren’t always ironed (well matched) but I have them and a man that thinks I’m beautiful even with spit up on my sleeve and flour on my pants.

So I guess what I’m saying is...Happy Half Year...and go easy on yourself.

3 Years

Today we're celebrating our three year wedding anniversary.



Three years ago I promised:

I love you. 
You are my best friend and from this day forward
I promise you these things:


I promise to encourage and inspire you, to laugh with you,and to comfort you in times of sorrow and struggle.


I promise to love you in good times and in bad,when life seems easy and when it seems hard,when our love is simple, and when it takes effort.


I will share your laughter and your tears as your partner, lover and friend. 


I promise always to listen to you, respect you and honor you as an individual and to be conscious of your needs.


I will be committed to my growth and to the growth of our relationship
and to do this I promise to be honest and to communicate my needs and feelings, just as I promise to listen to yours.


I promise to accept you the way you are because I fell in love with you for the qualities, abilities, and outlook on life that you have, and I will not try to reshape you.


I promise to respect you as a person with your own interests, desires, and needs
and to realize that those are sometimes different, but no less important than my own. 


I promise to keep myself open to you, to let you see my fears and feelings, secrets and dreams.


I promise to grow along with you, to be willing to face change as we both change in order to keep our relationship alive and exciting.


Because of you, I laugh, I smile, I have hope, and I dare to dream.


I will always be the person that you can trust, talk to and the person that will always try to understand. 


I give myself completely as I am and as I will be, and I do it for all of life.

Three years ago he promised:

On our first date we picked up ‘Malcolm X’ at the post office.
I bought you a flower pot, and forgot the seeds.


You have probably planned our next 100 years together.


We have written and shared approx. 312 love letters, poems, and cards since we’ve met, and I promise this won’t be the last one.


You scrapbook everything, and will probably blog about our wedding after the ceremony.


I enjoy being fashionably late. You think; if your on time your late.


I have read the research, studied the books, and talked to all experts, but with all the knowledge in the world… I’m still unsure about most things, but certain about us.


I know these years together will be a balancing act of complementing our strengths.


Today we become one-My people will be your people.Your people will be my people.


This ceremony is a united front; that what we put before God and loved ones,no one lay asunder.


We will cast our friends and family as a supportive net,and always let God lead the way.
You are my confidante, my best friend, toughest critic, and strongest supporter.


My father told me that falling in love is silly, so each day we take together
I pray that we can grow in love.


In front of all the people we love, I commit myself to you as your husband.


I vow to honor and respect you all of of our days.I vow to build trust through my words and actions.
I vow to support you, and let your joy be my joy,your heat-break, be my heart break.


I will be here to laugh with you, and be here to cry with you.


I have no illusions, time is short, we are mere specks in the universe’s history.


I take you as my wife, and promise to never count the years, never to watch the months or days, but to always cherish our moments together.

Happy 3 years to us!

Right Now

Right Now I am

Krisatomic via Spring Diary

::: looking forward to my wedding anniversary celebrations

::: excited about a few restaurants we have reservations for

::: trying not to over heat in this warm weather

::: preparing our family for a wonderful and busy summer

::: thinking of all the berries that will be picked in the coming months

::: trying to take deep breaths

::: picking up my camera more

::: attempting to use kinder words

::: enjoying the things that make Syracuse lovable

::: anticipating fun times to be had in the coming weeks with no children

::: taking extra time to snuggle my cuddle bug

::: attempting to redirect my very strong willed daughter

::: wishing I had flowers on my table

::: thinking of a pie to make

::: loving my life where its at right now

::: trying not to look so far into the future

What are you doing right now?

5/11/12-5/13/12

We’ve had a few really good days lately. For Mother’s Day we went to my Mom’s and played in the yard, drew sidewalk art, and ate a combination of chicken, shrimp, steak, and salmon kabobs.

I also went thrift store shopping and found a few nice additions for my home office. 

There’s a lot of spray painting and sprucing up in my near future.

But perhaps the most exciting of all is our preparation for our summer and fall garden. 

Mozart and I have absolutely no experience with this, which is why we rented a few books from our library. 

We have high hopes for our garden and I’ll keep you updated on our progress.

Pen Pals

When I was younger I wanted a pen pal. 

Growing up, I lived in a small racist town in Kentucky and  I wanted an outlet from that. So I thought having a friend in another state or country would be my answer.

But my pen pals never worked out and my outlet came when my mom moved us back to her home city.

Last year I wrote on my Facebook wall asking for pen pals. Only, life is busier when you are an adult and my pen pal relationship died off until about three weeks ago.

I received a card in the mail on a random Tuesday and if any of you are like me, I was over the moon excited to get something in the mail besides bills or junk.

There is something magical about sending letters.

Sending someone a letter is like saying: At this moment, I am thinking of you and only you. I am not multitasking on the internet while I type an email or busy chasing kids around as I text. I am sitting here, still, thinking of you. 

If you would like to be my pen pal send your name and address to megguerrier at gmail dot com. I’m sending a batch of letters on Tuesday and I would love to include you.

Happy Birthday Dad

I think it’s a blessing to grow older.

I look forward to the wrinkles and gray hair. I guess I feel this way because of my work. I work in the poorest and smallest high school in my city and violence is common. In the period of three months, 4 of our students had been shot and two stabbed.

I say that to remind anyone who is reading this that life is incredibly short and not promised. Some people, for various reasons, don’t make it to the age of gray hair and wrinkled skin and that is a shame.

 So for all of us that do, we should celebrate it.

All of that to say: My dad came to town to celebrate his 51st birthday this weekend!

We spent the day watching 30 Rock and Skyping with my brother who is stationed in Germany.

After that we all went out to Scotch n' Sirloin. It’s this amazing local steak house. We all agreed (except for Mozart who only eats fish) that the steak was the best we’d ever had.

Dinner was followed by a raspberry pie (my dad’s favorite) that I bought that morning at the farmer’s market.

Remembering | My Grandfather & Honey Bears

When I was younger my Grandfather would make me Honey Bears. Toast, peanut butter, and honey. Simple. But oh, so good.

My Grandfather is a big man, in every sense of the word. He is tall and his back is strong. He has arms that are long and hands that are big, a trait he passed on to me. He doesn't say much. But what he does say matters.

When I was younger I watched him build things with his hands. He built fences, homes, toys, and a family with his hands. But what I remember the most is how he chopped fire wood. Piece after piece would hit the ground at his feet and it was my job to collect it and wheel it back to a wooden box.

I hated that job. The wood was heavy and I was unsteady. But I loved watching him work. He had a focused rythm that I thought was beautiful.

My Grandfather always smelled like wood. Now when I smell a wood fire, it reminds me of him. That smell reminds me that it is important to work and to build something.  But it also reminds me when he use to wipe grease from his hands, how I made him burnt grilled cheese sandwiches that he always ate, how he made every holiday special, and how we use to eat Honey Bears.

Now I make honey bears for my own children.

"Mommy!"
"Yes, Bean?"
"Honey Bear! Honey Bear Mommy!"
"Would you like a Honey Bear?"
"Yes, please!"

So I take out the bread, the honey, and peanut butter. She pulls her stool up so we can both watch the bread toast and I say,

"My Grandpa use to make Honey Bears all the time for Mommy. Grandpie use to make these for Mommy."

She thinks for a moment, watching me spread the peanut butter and drizzle the honey. I can tell she's trying to remember this moment. I hope she remembers and when she has her children she tells them that their Nana made her Honey Bears and that I learned to make them from my Grandfather who was a beautifully strong man.

"Yes! They are good!"

Boobs

I often forget that children are mirrors, sponges, and recorders. Sometimes it can be the greatest thing in the world, other times funny, and sometimes down right horrifying. Most recently Bean has been my mirror, showing me where I need to make changes in my own life because she soaks up everything I put out and often repeats it back to me. But a post as heavy as that is for another time.

Right now I want to write about my daughter's obsession with boobs.

When she was just a wee little Bean I would put her on the changing table and if she was shirtless I would grab her chest and say "Look at Little Bean's boobs!" (yes I call my daughter Bean and Beanie in real life). She would squeal and laugh and it was fun watching her jiggle. 

At that time talking about boobs was common. If she didn't have a shirt on I'd say "Oh Beansie! I can see your boobs!" and when she began speaking and saw me without a shirt she'd say "Oh Mommy's boobs!" and poke/point/grab my chest. She'd even talk about Mozart's "boobs" when he was shirtless.

We don't want our daughter to be ashamed of her body and when I was pregnant with her we agreed that using proper words and not hiding our bodies was important .

Yes, I know that the proper word is 'breasts' but its just so dang funny hearing a toddler say "Boobs!" The point is, we want her to be comfortable with her body and we are a very naked family so it was only a matter of time before she started pointing out every one's anatomy.

Now that she talks all the time she's obsessed with boobs. We were at Target and there was a large poster for diapers with a shirtless baby on it. She looked up at the sign and said, very loudly, "Look Mommy! Baby's BOOBS!" and I smiled and said, "Yes Baby, the baby has boobs." She was so proud of herself for observing that.

But the funniest thing that's happened around boobs in our house was when she was naked and Mozart was putting lotion on her.

He thought he was finished but she ran back to him, puffed out her chest and said, "My BOOBS Daddy!" Oh, silly Daddy. He forgot to lotion her boobs.

Well, he was mortified until I stopped laughing and pointed out that she's two and she has no boobs...and when she does have boobs she most certainty wont mention them or expect anyone to lotion them.

He realized how crazy he was being and put lotion on her chest,

"THANK YOU Daddy!"

Turning Towards Home

I have been absent from this space because I have been feeling lost.

I didn’t have much to say about what was happening in our home because I stepped back from it. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has felt like this or the first to become a passenger in their own life. But I think sometimes it’s important to sit back and observe.

We are cleaning up our home. Getting back to basics.

Our lives have become hectic and chaotic. Which isn’t always bad. But when the chaos has me looking for diaper cream all over the house only to find it sitting on the dining room table the entire 20 minutes, a hectic and chaotic home isn’t ideal.

This whole experience, taking a passenger seat to my life, has left a lot to be desired.

We are thinking about our goals and the purpose of our family now more than ever since Mozart (using my husband’s real name now) has changed careers. He’s gone from a brick and mortar building and finding the homeless homes to an internet start up company and customer service in the comfort of our home. Not really traditional social work but the start up is a business designed to help find social services for users and I say it’s within the realm.

Finances aren’t what they were. There is more money and less hours but the way of obtaining it isn’t what we are familiar with. However, we are sure that this is the right path for our family. We decided to take a leap of faith and so far we are happy where we landed.

Such a drastic change like this means we have to stretch and grow in other areas of our lives. I’m choosing to stretch and grow because resisting doesn’t work. I have to be a steward of our time, money, and family energy. A true preserver of our home. Because when the home isn’t right, babies are cranky, clothes pile up, meals go uncooked and food rots, and tensions are high.

Our family doesn’t do well in chaos. We are not last minute shot clock people and though we are better at performing under pressure than we were, it isn’t ideal and it isn’t comfortable. So we have decided to turn inward, to our home. We are shifting to protect the very thing that makes the rest of our days run smoother and our nights more relaxed.

This change in our lives feels right.

Surprise!

I threw my husband a surprise 25th birthday party on Saturday, fiesta style!

It was such a stressful thing to do. Organizing in secret, making sure people showed up on time, juggling buying things for the party while he was out or making up small white lies about the mysterious disappearance of our funds.

But it was worth it. He’s so worth it.

The guests were local friends and family and some of his family from Philadelphia. I had the food catered by Moe’s Southwestern Grill and we drank strawberry daiquiris and Goya soda.

We played pin the tail on the donkey which was a huge hit and he whacked at a pinata.

Here’s a clip from his entrance:

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next day we dropped Bean and Reid off at our usual child care provider and headed to Ithaca, NY. We love going there but haven’t been in years so this was a great treat.

Here’s a video from our car ride. Didn’t know my husband could dance? Now you do:

We purchased used books, I re-stocked my stationary, purchased a few summer clothes for the kids, ate brunch, and enjoyed the beautiful weather.

It was so peaceful and everything was perfect.



We went to vintage shop and found our way to their sunglasses.

We ended our evening with an amazing meal at Hazelnut Kitchen in Trumansburg, NY.

I really wanted something we’d both enjoy and something that supported our efforts (sometimes) in eating local, organic, and seasonally. Hazelnut Kitchen uses only seasonal organic produce grown locally. Their meat is grass fed and local. We’ve already made a pact to go back at least once a month, even if it is an hour away.

I wish I had taken pictures of our meal but I felt awkward pulling out a huge camera to do that so instead we savored it and played footsie under the table.

We had such a wonderful weekend and it was the perfect way to bring in his 25th year!

Raspberry Cake Bars and Old Love

My husband is going away for a while.

His grandfather passed and he is traveling with his family to Haiti for the funeral.

 This means I am a single mom for an entire week.

But that is peanuts because the logistics of two children under two is nothing when I feel as lonely as I do.

He is my best friend and I find myself wanting to call him or text him or just turn next to me and share a funny story, an idea, or ask a question.

But I can't.

It's hard to entertain yourself when you've been with someone for 7 years.

But that reminds me of these pictures:

They're photographs from Lauren Fleishman who is doing a photo project called Love Ever After that features love stories of couples who have been married for over 50 years.

I am excited to grow old with him and hope one day someone will capture our love like this.

On another note:

Ried is growing growing like a weed and he is such a happy baby. So free with his love it's inspiring.

Bean's Nana (featured here in her jammies) bought her a Hello Kitty book bag that makes me laugh and cry. Why do kids always look older with book bags on!?

I'm obsessed with these raspberry cake bars from Mimi's, a local bakery here.



I usually wear my hair in a bun every day for work. But I'm trying to find different styles I like but it's difficult when you have yourself, two kids, and a husband packed and ready to go in the morning. I have been looking at youtube videos and found a few styles I'm going to try.

Anyways, enjoy your weekend!

Thank you for | This Son of Mine

I didn’t want a son the second time we found out we were pregnant.

I wanted another daughter. I wanted Bean to have a sister. I wanted to re-use all the baby clothes we had bought.

But I got a boy. Oh, a boy.

After having a baby girl I no longer thought of myself as anything other than a mom of girls. So when we saw Reid on the ultrasound, my husband puffing out his chest and beating it with his giant man fists, I was dissapointed.

What did I know about boys? About penis’?
No, I knew nothing about boys, I knew a lot about sassy girls.

Oh, but this son of mine.

He is something special. Something God made just for me. When I look at him I think, “Girl? Who wanted a stinkin’ girl? No, this boy is more than I could ever ask for.”

There is something special about my son. A strength in his brown eyes, strength that I don’t have.

My son has a sensitive soul. He has the capacity to love people in a way that is non judemental. He is free with his love, never withholding it because maybe he believes everyone deserves it. Which is incredibly brave.

I can’t get enough of this little guy.

 I hold him tight and breathe him in every chance I get. He has smell all his own. Different from mine, his father, and his sister. 

He smells like warmth and when I hold him I feel steady.

Capturing

I am doing my best to capture all the moments in our home.

I keep my camera out, a serious risk due to the sticky fingers belonging to our almost two year old. I swear it has been the best thing I’ve started to do. Now I'm capturing moments that mean the most to me.

Sure birthdays, Christmas, and Thanksgiving are important. But I want to remember how my littles like playing with sunglasses or warming themselves by the fire. Or catching them with their fingers up their noses or how excited they are when they see someone outside the window.







I really like capturing Bean in silly hats that are her brothers, so that means they are always too small for her.



Or Reid eating and flailing his arms about in protest when the spoon isn’t full of squash, pumpkin, peas, or carrots.



Bean loves her doggie towel gifted to us by her Aunt Heather and Uncle J for Christmas. She runs around the house barking like a little dog. When I ask her where the doggie is, she says “I doggie! WOOF!”- So cute.





I hope that I can continue to capture these moments because I think when I’m older they will be especially more meaningful.