Meg 2.0

If you've been following my 'Right Now' posts, you've noticed that I've been preparing myself for a weight loss program that's started now.

I don't talk about my weight a lot on this blog, I did a little bit at the beginning. But it is an unhappy topic in my life. Filled with a lot of sadness, anger, confusion, and defeat.

I like this blog to be a place that is happy and an escape from a lot of negativity. So I stopped writing about it here and pushed all those complaining and not so happy (but hopefully soon to be happy) posts about my body to Fatty Girl Shrinks.

Over there you'll find writing about my journey to lose weight and the struggles that come along with it. You'll find that some of those posts (and perhaps future posts) are a little darker in nature. At Fatty Girl Shrinks I don't always have an upbeat tone or a positive ending because lets face it: losing weight isn't always fun.

I will also share recipes, pictures of my progress, and vlogs.

You're more than welcome to head over there and follow me as I move through this next stage in my life.

I don't want there to be any confusion. Though it is a blog with posts heavier than some you'll find here and maybe not the most upbeat, this is an exciting time in my life and in my family.

I am moving towards the body I've always wanted so that I can finally feel comfortable with me, buy from Victoria Secret, shop at little boutiques, soothe my aching knees, be a role model for my children, prove to myself a number of things, and add another babe to our family.

There are times when losing weight seems almost impossible. But I know that's the natural negativity in me speaking and I'm chosing not to listen.

Fatty Girl Shrinks | My New Weight Loss Blog

I've started a new blog.

Everything I read says that actively writing about losing weight and logging things like exercise and food consumption helps in weight loss. So that's what I'm doing.

I thought for a moment that I would update about my weight loss on Moments Like This but decided against it. I was also considering not sharing that blog but that didn't feel right. Then I thought maybe I would share the blog when I've lost a significant amount of weight but realized doing so wasn't true to my blogging philosophy.

So if you're interested in reading about my weight loss you wont find it on Moments Like This. Instead you can head over to Fatty Girl Shrinks.

Women, Food, and God: Chapters 5&6

After three decades of studying, teaching and writing about our compulsions with food, bestselling author Geneen Roth adds a powerful new dimension to her work in Women Food and God. She begins with her most basic concept: The way you eat is inseparable from your core beliefs about being alive. Your relationship with food is an exact mirror of your feelings about love, fear, anger, meaning, transformation and, yes, even God.

Chapters 1&2 review. Chapters 3&4 review.

Chapter 5

Roth focuses a lot on trusting our bodies and ourselves and encourages readers to find goodness in who we are. She states that this is hard for most people because they believe there is no good in them, nothing to trust, that they are broken.

But she urges people to look beyond what they see from the outside. To look inside themselves and see what their true essence is. She asks women to think of a time when they were pure, when they enjoyed their life, when things were easy and simple. Who were you then?

More than likely most of us were children. She urges readers to think about a time in their childhood when they believed anything was possible, when knobby knees, sticky hands, and a thirst for adventure was enough. When we remember being beautiful because we didn't know anything else. When we are able to look back on those times we can find ourselves again, realize that we are not broken because we can return to that place again. That we can trust ourselves.

Because many of us feel broken with an empty hole, many women try to fix it and fill the holes with food.  "Compulsive eating is reaching for, a yearning for, an attempt to contact the place that is already whole."

However, Roth says that we do not need fixing. Fixing implies that we are wrong for feeling certain things when instead we should be welcoming those feelings. Roth encourages readers to sit with feelings, to actually feel them and to realize that the only way we can get back to our true perfection is realizing that we are already whole. True peace and the end of over eating comes only when we feel like we can't fix ourselves, that we are who we are.

"We see there is no goal, no end place, no test to take. No one is keeping score. No one is watching us and deciding whether we are worth enough to ascend...the constant effort to fix ourselves, that was the very thing that kept the wholeness at bay. If you think that your job is to fix what is broken, you keep finding more broken places to mend."

Chapter 6

The beginning of this chapter really struck a chord with me. Roth writes that diets are not the way to a thin, healthy body. Diets will not make us happy or feel full. They do not lead to a new life. " Diets are based on the unspoken fear that you are a madwoman, a food terrorist, a lunatic. eventually you will destroy all that you love and so you need to be stopped. The promise of a diet is not only that you will have a different body; it is that in having a different body, you will have a different life. If you hate yourself enough, you will love yourself. If you torture yourself enough, you will become a peaceful, relaxed human being."

I have thought so many times that if I got rid of this food and if only I could just ____ (whatever it is) I would be happy. If I could just push through one more hungry hour, one more nasty broccoli head, then I could be thin. Then I would be perfect. Being thin, to me, always equaled perfection. This is a sad reality.

Roth moves through the chapter to talk about true understanding. That if we could understand ourselves then we could achieve the life we want, thin or not. She writes that until we understand ourselves love will never be enough, our careers will never be enough, our thighs will never be quiet as thin as we would like, and nothing about our lives will seem real.

"Until you understand that you are oriented toward damage and doom, toward being wedded to compulsive eating and all its problems, until you realize that you insist upon it, albeit unconsciously, no change will last because you will be working against your natural tendencies. You will be overriding your deepest convictions about being alive."

I think this quote speaks to the tendency to self sabotage. So many times I have thought, "Well, I'm never going to lose weight anyway..so I might as well.." This is because I was not taking time to understand myself and to think about what I needed and the feelings I was having. Was I fearful? Angry? Worried? Maybe all three and perhaps if I had taken time to understand myself, I would be in a different place.

I'm still mulling over the next theme of Roth's chapter: "The shape of your body obeys the shape of your beliefs about love, value, and possibility. To change your body you must first understand that which is shaping it. Not fight it. Not force it. Not deprive it. Not shape it. Not do anything but accept-and, yes, Virgina- understand it."

Understanding ourselves is the true key to happiness and being thin, to ending the war on compulsive eating? Yes, I believe that. I believe that in order for my thighs to shrink something, perhaps self love and knowledge, must get bigger. Now I just have to find a way for that to happen.

"You doubt your own impulses so you become masterful at looking outside yourself for comfort. You become an expert at finding experts and programs, at striving and trying hard and then harder to change yourself, but this process only reaffirms what you already believe about yourself- that your needs and choices cannot be trusted, and left to your own devices you are out of control."

Food for thought

Do you believe if you threw out all of your rules about food, what you can and cant eat, that you would self destruct?

Women, Food, and God: Chapters 3&4

After three decades of studying, teaching and writing about our compulsions with food, bestselling author Geneen Roth adds a powerful new dimension to her work in Women Food and God. She begins with her most basic concept: The way you eat is inseparable from your core beliefs about being alive. Your relationship with food is an exact mirror of your feelings about love, fear, anger, meaning, transformation and, yes, even God.

If you want to read my review on chapters 1 & click here.

Chapter 3

This chapter is about the feeling to bolt. When things get too hard and we can no longer stand being with ourselves, being in the pain, being in the frustration, being alone, what have you- we eat. We use food as an escape.

"Staying where you are with what you are feeling or seeing or sensing is the first step in ending the obsession with food." Roth describes food obsessions as distractions. It gives us something else to do besides focusing on heart-shattering events, "plane tickets" out of heatbreak.

This is so true. There have been countless times when I’ve been upset about something. Stressed over this or that, on the verge of crying. Instead of feeling that, I chose to go eat something. When I was done stuffing my face I focused on how disgusted I felt with myself. My thoughts shifted almost immediately from the heart ache I was feeling to what I had just eaten. Sometimes I couldn't remember what made me  eat because I was upset about something new- the food I had just consumed.

Roth states that women are scared to face what's really going on. "...that obession is a way of organizing our lives so that we never have to deal with the hard part- the part that happens between being two years old and dying.” Roth states that we get through moments like this is by allowing ourselves to feel, to cry, to sit in the pain and frustration we are feeling. If we can do this the obession with food would be over.

"And you notice that when you don't use food to shut yourself down, to leave our body, you actually feel more alive. That feeling anything, even grief, is different from what you thought it would be. That when you don't leave yourself, a different life is lived. One that includes vulnerability and tenderness and fragility and changes the landscape- makes it verdant, wider, breathtaking-"

Roth makes a really interesting comparison in this chapter between infants and women obsessed with food. She states that infants cannot tell the difference between physical and emotional pain and if the pain is too intense and defenses are weak the baby will either become psychotic and/or die. It is natural and lifesaving, according to Roth, for children to shut down feelings and turn to something that soothes (sucking thumbs, curling into a ball, rocking back and forth, a blanket, etc).

However, some women do not grow out of this stage and believe that any form of pain will kill them. So instead of pushing through the pain, women use food as a coping mechanism, like a child who is scared of the dark and uses a blanket to protect themself.

Staying in the pain and experiencing requires an awareness. Women obessed with food need to hone in on the desire to bolt.  "When you don't infer your existence from replaying what happend to you, when you don't take yourself to be the girl your mother/father/brother/teacher/lover didn't see or adore.. When you sense yourself directly, immediately, right now, without preconception, who are you?...The you who is not your past, not your habits, not your compulsions. Anything becomes possible. Even living through extraordinary pain."

Chapter 4

In this Chapter Roth focuses on weight and what it really means. Roth recieved a letter from someone who included a Weight Watchers ribbon that symbolized they had lost 10 pounds. But when Roth read the letter, the person included one line: "And I Still Feel Like Crap" Why is this? If weight were really the reason why so many are unhappy then losing it would end all of their problems, right?

"We think we're miserable because of what we weigh...When a pill is discovered that allows people to eat whatever they want and not gain weight, the feelings and situations they turned to food to avoid will still be there and they will find other more inventive ways to numb themselves."

But Roth does mention that it isn't not not about the weight either. Some of us are physically hurting because of the weight and if pounds are lost, we would feel better. At least physically.

"The bottom line, whether you weight 340 pounds or 150 pounds, is that when you eat when you are not hungry, you are using food as a drug, grappling with boredome or illness or loss of grief or emptiness or loneliness or rejection. Food is only the middleman, the means to an end. Of altering our emotions. Of making yourself numb."

Roth writes that using food is creating a secondary problem that distracts us from the real problem, making us forget. She also combats the age old excuse "But I like the taste of food. In fact, I love the taste! Why can't it be that simple? I overeat because I like food.” However, Roth argues that when we like something, even love it, we take time with it. We want to be present in it for every second. Overeating results in being sick (emotionally and physically), guilt, and ill feelings. "That's not love; that's suffering."

So why do we over eat? It’s not because we necessarily love food. Roth thinks that over eating is often caused by feelings of emptiness, loneliness, and deficiency. But if we stay in those feelings, discover what they really mean, welcome them so that we may use it to understand ourselves, we would free ourselves. "Imagine not being frightened by any feeling. Imagine knowing that nothing will destroy you."

We try and run from our feelings and we think "If only/When I (I lose weight, I get a better job, I find someone to love me, I move, I make more money) then I'll be happy.” But that isn’t dealing with the emptiness, loneliness, and deficiency. Wishing to be rid of a situation is keeping us from living our lives, the here and now "What if this is exactly what you are supposed to be doing because it is what you are doing? What if each nitty-gritty task is perfectoin istelf and you keep missing it because you're looking for something else?"

Oh, I have such a problem living in the here and now, trying to escape the unhappiness of life. I am the biggest "If only/When I" thinker. I fail to notice the pain and the beauty that is my life.

Food for thought

Are you an If only/When I thinker? Have you become happier when you achieved what you were wishing for? Or did you get it and still found it wasn't enough? What is enough?

Women, Food, and God: Chapters 1&2

After three decades of studying, teaching and writing about our compulsions with food, bestselling author Geneen Roth adds a powerful new dimension to her work in Women Food and God. She begins with her most basic concept: The way you eat is inseparable from your core beliefs about being alive. Your relationship with food is an exact mirror of your feelings about love, fear, anger, meaning, transformation and, yes, even God.

I learned about this book from another blogger, Can You Stay For Dinner? And after seeing how this blogger lost 100+ pounds by eating sensibly and exercising, I figured it would be worth the read. I mean, I don't have a lot of time so if I was going to chose to spend my limited time reading something, it had to be good.

Oh and is it good. Even if someone doesn't have a weight problem but finds themselves obsessed with something else (work, their children, their marriage, food, exercise, whatever) this book is for them.

Chapter 1

Roth writes about how she grew up in a not so peaceful home and as a result, she turned to God at a young age. But, according to Roth, God wasn't answering her prayers (she wanted beautiful hair, thin long legs, and parents who didn't fight) so she abandond God and went to food.

She describes Hostess Sno Balls and the way they made her feel both during consumption and after. That really resignated with me. If I close my eyes right now I can imagine the layers of my favorite dessert and how each layer makes me feel and excites me and, like Ross, it soothes me.

Roth also explains in the first chapter how she struggled with binge eating and extreme diets. She makes a comparision between diets and prayers. Like a prayer, diets were a way of making a cry for help, a proclimation of how hard she was trying to change through deprivation and punishment.

Binge eating and dieting was a way for her to express her despair. But Roth decided to stop dieting and to her that was like someone who decided that they no longer wanted to pray, as if they were breaking "a vow that was never supposed to be broken."

Chapter 2

Roth starts this chapter out by explaining her retreat and how her clients react to the program. According to Roth, when her clients find out that they aren't attending another retreat about calorie counting or exercise techniques they experience some doubt. 

I think many people, like myself, believe that if we just stop eating so many, lets say, chocolate chip cookies then we would lose weight. But Roth says that the chocolate cookie isn't the inherant problem. There is nothing wrong with the butter, flour, sugar, chocolate chips, and shortening. What's wrong is its consumer.

Roth writes that we must stop blaming other people or issues for our weight, stop dieting, and start looking inward. Only then can we lose weight and stop using those chocolate chip cookies as weapons against our emotional and physical health.

The relationship with weight loss and perfecting our bodies is also a major theme in this chapter. Roth writes that relationships are formed around dieting, weight loss, and food. According to Roth, many women bond and find that they fit by joining in the activy of self hate.

She describes people who are trying to lose weight as Sisyphus. You know, the guy who is trying to push the huge boulder up the hill. Often times, women try to lose weight (pushing the boulder up the hill) and just when the weight is almost lost or we are losing weight we stop, something detrails us, and we start all over again.

She writes that this is because self idenity is tied up in the way we look and in our attempts to lose weight, " As long as you are striving and pushing and trying hard to do something that can never be done, you know who you are: someone with a weight problems who is working hard to be thin. You don't have to feel lost of helpless because you always have a goal and that goal can never be reached."-

This is so true, the other day I looked at TP and said "I don't know who I would be if I lost 100 pounds..Or what I would look like..This has always been me." I have always been big, striving to be thin, and when I become thin who will I be? What goal will I work towards then?

Roth writes that women believe if they fix their bodies, everything else will fall into place. "If I fix myself so that I am no longer myself, then everything will be fine. My feelings will be manageable."

This next excerpt is earth shattering:

"Women turn to food when they are not hungry because they are hungry for something they can't name: a connection to what is beyond the concerns of daily life. Something deathless, something sacred." She goes on to explain that feeding that hunger with food is like "giving a glass of sand to a person dying of thirst. It creates more thirst, more panic."

"The relentless attemps to be thin take you further and further away from what could actually end your suffering: getting back in touch with who you really are. Your true nature. Your essence."

If you haven't already clicked over to Amazon to buy this book or reserved it at your local library, you should. It is an amazing read and I find myself nodding my head, self reflecting, and on the verge of trears as I read. I can relate to everything so far and I've only read two chapters. I plan on reviewing each chapter (two at a time), each week until I'm finished with it. So make sure you come back next Wednesday.

Food for thought:

Have there been times in your life when you have eaten to fill some kind of void?

My Body Is Sick

My knees are sick.

They’ve always been pretty sick but I recently found out why and how to make them better.

When I was younger my knees would always creak and grind, shift, and hurt. I got older and normalized the pain. "My knees always hurt", "Bad knees run in the family"- I would say when asked and usually followed that up with a shrug.

But now that nonchalant attitude has caught up with me. Two weeks ago during my 5k training, I had pain in my knees for weeks. But I didn't tell anyone for a while until it ate away at me and I had to tell TP. He's such a good husband in the way husbands can be good at guilt trips and demands when passionate about something. So eventually I made an appointment.

"But I feel better now!" I whined a few days before the appointment. That was met with a death stare. Needless to say, I went to the appointment.

After four X-rays and a very long wait, the doctor came in and gave me the worse news I could have imagined.

I have Patellofemoral Syndrome and early onset arthritis- in both knees.

Patellofemoral Syndrome is the abnormal softening of the cartilage under the knee cap. There are many causes for this but mostly it’s from poor alignment. According to the doctor, the arthritis I have is hereditary. I told the doctor that my dad has one knee replacement and has to have another.

The doctor drew his breath in and nodded his head. As if to say, “Honey, you were dealt a bad card in your deck."

He continued to dance around the issue and finally I said, “I know I have to lose weight.” and that opened up the flood gate. The doctor told me I need to see a nutritionist as soon as possible because I had a lot of weight to lose.- He repeated this to me several times in case I missed the message. But I wasn't upset, I was grateful for the honesty.

He told me that someone my age shouldn’t have these problems and I especially need to work on my weight and getting my knees healthy because of my family history.

The doctor predicted that if I didn’t lose the weight and strengthen my leg muscles that I would need knee replacement surgery in my 40s.- Like my father.

I felt like someone had smacked me in the face. Seriously. I’m 24 years old with two bum knees and 100lbs of excess weight. Can I just hang myself now?

I felt so stupid sitting there in his office as he explained that for every 1 pound of fat that is like 3 pounds to the knee when walking. And for every 1 pound of fat that is like 6-8 pounds to the knee when going up and down the stairs.

My knees are supporting an extra 300 pounds of pressure when I walk! Oh and I just don’t have the heart to do the math on the stair example...though it’s simple enough math, I just don’t want to know...

I left his office with my little booklet about knee strengthening exercises, sat in my car and called TP. I was heart broken. How could I let myself get this way? Did I really think that being this heavy was healthy? Oh, damn you years of excess food and laziness.

Of course at this point it is easy to wallow in defeat. I figured I could take one of two paths:

1. Give up and continue eating excessively and make up reasons why I am sexy/happy/okay/confident/content at the body weight I am at and let Western Medicine rule over my life.

...or...

2. Do something about it.




Well, I'm choosing to do something about it.

-M

Running Is for Those Skinny People

Running isn't for people like me. You know, 265 pounds of woman.

Running is for those with blond hair, flat stomachs, and nice asses. But people like me? Well, we stick to walking, very slowly.

I don't know if you've noticed like I have, but the only people I see running are extremely fit people. Their feet are pounding the pavement, sweaty arms glissening even when there is no sun, and a look of determination on their face. They look like they came out of the womb running. Me? Well, not so much.

But yesterday on my run (because 265 pounds of me runs even when I don't feel like it) I saw this woman running ahead of me. So the negative thoughts start coming. I thought she was going to laugh me right off the sidewalk because obviously someone like me isn't suppose to breathe the air she does.

But you know what she did?

She stopped running and hunched over and gasped! Yes! This beautiful blond doubled over and gasped for air in the middle of her run. I know, I shouldn't find joy in this but come on. I thought runners like her never stopped. I thought they pushed through and finished their run only to jog up 10 flights of stairs because they never got tired.

Source: wellsphere.com via Paula on Pinterest

But here I was, struggling to move my legs that felt like boulders, and to my surprise I was witnessing something that gave me a huge boost in confidence. That very moment I felt super human.

I look back on it now and realize how silly my thinking was. People who run get tired and struggle with their demons, just like I do but I forget that sometimes.

Have you ever had moments like this? When you know you shouldn't find joy in someone's struggles but can't help but feel like something was won for the little guys?

-M

Losing weight requires confidencce

There is something about losing weight, no matter the means, that requires a great deal of confidence. And to be frank about it, many fat people don't have confidence. So they remain fat, unhappy, and always attempting to lose weight but failing.

Confidence is often missing from the lives of fat people, especially when it comes to exercise.  As a fat person, I struggle with walking through a group of people. My thoughts are racing, "Are they laughing?" "Will they talk about me?" "Do they think I'm fat." "I bet they think I shouldn't be wearing these clothes."- In reality they may be thinking things completely different and unrelated to me. Or maybe they are thinking exactly what I'm afraid of. Either way, no one can change the thoughts of other people.

Many fat people don't go to the gym because they are afraid of what other people think. They are afraid of being looked at, afraid of being made fun of, and lack confidence in themselves to push past all of that and do something positive and healthy for their bodies.

To get up on a treadmill at 268 pounds (or more) is scary. The weight machines? Forget it.  I could never use them with the muscle heads standing there because I thought they were judging me. And there was no way I was going to take a class, all those people looking at me, watching my every move, waiting for me to make a mistake or to notice a piece of fat I'm trying to hide.

But I don't believe that my irrational thoughts are unique to myself. I believe many people trying to lose weight think this way.

Joining the gym and actually going is one of the hardest things to do. Pushing past our own fears of judgment is nearly impossible.

I've recently started the Couch to 5k program for a race I registered for at the end of October and I run around my neighborhood. At first I was so scared. I thought, "Everyone is going to laugh at the fat girl running down the street who is out of breath." And maybe they are. But I decided that I can't let the judgment of others keep me from my goals. I run past people all the time, out of breath and looking like I'm going to fall over. I think, "They probably think I can't do this..they're laughing at me..they don't think I can make it."- But they don't know me. They don't know that I can do this, that I am battling myself more than them, and I will make it to the end of this run and the end of my race.


To have confidence in myself to run past the skinny people who are strolling along takes enormous amounts of energy. The other day I was running along, panting and battling thoughts of failure, when I saw a nice looking couple walking down the street. The girl had on a short skirt and a tight top and her boyfriend looked like a model. All I thought was, "They're talking about me. They are laughing at me right now."

I wanted to die. Or to hide. But mostly die.

I ran past them with my eyes glued to the sidewalk and held my breath. I was expecting them to say something or to at least laugh as I passed. But they didn't, they continued on with their conversation. Maybe they were talking about me and laughing at the fat girl running. Maybe they were talking about their plans for the night. Whatever it was, I don't know. I wish I could say I don't care, but I'm not there yet.


We must have confidence in ourselves to push past those judgments and the obstacles we create to know that we are doing something positive for ourselves. I joined the gym and I run. I have some of the craziest thoughts going through my head and sometimes I feel like I'm climbing a mountain and I just want to give up.

But damn it, those skinny jeans are calling me. The way my husband wraps himself around me is calling me.
And I realize that giving up isn't an option.

-M

Weight Loss Plan

The journey to weight loss is just that, a journey.

Full of ups and downs, twists and turns and temptation. Oh, the temptation. And long. Journeys are most definitely long. But I suppose the most important thing to remember about journeys is that there must be a direction, or else you will be aimlessly traveling, and there must be determination, for when those donuts come a callin' you have to say no.

Remember this post? Well, I'm still determined as ever to lose weight. I have a determination that I didn't have before and I'm focusing. One thing that has helped me most of all is to tell everyone (well, maybe not everyone but close friends and family) that I am losing weight and how much I'm losing. The number, 100lbs, sounds huge (it is) and has more significance than just a few pounds or an unknown number. When people know you have to lose 100lbs they are more likely to keep you from eating the crap you know you aren't supposed to...Or they sign you up for 5ks, ha!

So I've been thinking about what direction I want to take and after some soul searching, research, and advice from a few bloggers I think I have it.


Diet 

I am eating an average of 2200 calories a day. I will count my calories using My Fitness Pal.


As a family we are determined to focus on local, seasonal foods. As well as organic. However, our main concern is that what we eat is produced right here in our county and neighboring counties, not several states away. We believe that eating locally means we are supporting our own community and that is something that is very important to us. We enjoy having an "apple guy" and we love paying people for their hard work, not a large corporation or someone who had Dole mail them boxes of unripe flavorless produce.

I make 99% of what we eat from scratch. This means a lot of kitchen time and requires a good amount of time management and to rearrange my priorities. Less TV, more preparing meals, less internet surfing, more focus on our family values.

We are also lowering our meat intake. Something that is so hard for me. I believe that eating less meat is good for our bodies but more importantly, when we do eat meat it will be from a local farm. We are no longer supporting large companies that treat animals inhumanely and really, it just tastes better. We are only eating meat once a week but that does not include fish and shellfish.


I will eat a lot of vegetables, making sure to have at least one (but more than one serving) for every meal. I will also continue to eat a lot of seasonal fruit, but staying away from high sugar fruits like bananas and watermelons.

The only oil we use is oil and coconut.

I am also cutting my milk intake (including yogurt) down to two 8oz glasses a day.

I avoid refined (aka white) flour, corn syrup, hydrogenated oils, and high amounts of corn/soy products. I will not buy packaged/processed foods with more than 5 ingredients.

I wont bake unless it’s a gift for someone else. Baking causes me to not only snack while I'm in the process but I always end up with extras that I gorge myself on at home.

Breakfast will be eaten every morning.

I never, ever eat when I’m not hungry. When I think I’m hungry I’ll have a glass of water to first see if it’s just dehydration.

Exercise

I am doing the Couch to 5k program, running Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays.
I am taking Zumba classes Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.

Accountability

Accountability is so important because for the longest time I have lied to myself and to other people about my weight, my consumption, and exercise. I am logging my calories in My Fitness Pal.I will update my fitness pal within two hours of eating or send an email to myself with what I ate.

I am also reporting what I did during the day to my husband, making sure to speak specifically about what I wasn't proud of and what I was.



So that's my weight loss plan that I am sticking to.


-M

My Fitness Pal

{Please forgive the bad quality.}

I’ve been losing weight ever since Gus’ birth, which I’m proud of. My mom said the other day, “Well, isn’t that just pregnancy weight” to which I said, “Who care?! The number is getting smaller.” Anyway, one way I am doing that is by following (for the most part) the South Beach diet (less grain, less sugar, more veggies, and I’m only eating meat twice a week) and by also tracking my caloric intake.

I do that by signing on to My Fitness Pal and inputing what I eat and drink. I try to do it the day before and alter it throughout the day but sometimes I don’t get that opportunity so I just do it as I go along. It’s been a huge help to see just how much sugar, fat, fiber, calories, or whatever is in something I eat. For instance, I now know I will no longer be partaking in Dannon’s yogurt. The sugar count on that stuff is incredibly high! Luckily I make my own yogurt (more on that later) and the sugar is better.

My Fitness Pal is also great because it has a ‘wall’ just like Facebook. So when you input your food for the day and hit complete, it updates on your wall so all of your friends can see. Whenever you input exercise it will update your wall and you can even update your wall with whatever you like. The friends I have on My Fitness Pal are extremely active so when I updated my weight and it posted that I had lost 5lbs, I had multiple congratulations from my friends. It’s a really great motivator to see how often people are doing exercises, what they are posting about, and looking at their food diaries. 

If you’re looking to lose weight but don’t want to count calories per say, this is still a great website. You could track your food for a week and then go back and look at everything. I think people would be surprised to find out just how much they are eating and what is in the food (I bet sugar numbers would be out of this world). I don’t count and penny pinch all my calories, but I definitely think about whether or not something is worth it (like when I was shopping the other day and I wanted a pretzel but decided not to because I had a Kashi cookie at home I wanted, which is better for me anyway).

So if you’re interested in joining the website look me up! I’d love to be your friend.

-M 

Weight Loss

I decided to streamline my blogs. With a husband, two kids, a full time job, and all of the other things I do, I can't keep up with updating two blogs. So I've removed the link from my sidebar. But that doesn't mean I'm any less motivated to lose weight or that I'm not dropping the pounds (I am!).

After seeing this on Pinterest:

I thought about my own motivation for losing weight and what kind of reward system I need for that. Rewards that are not centered around food. It's just counter productive to lose even one pound and then go stuff my face with food because I feel like I "deserve it." 

Here's what I came up with:

10 lbs- New charm for necklace
20 lbs- Pedicure
25 lbs- Movie Date Night
30 lbs- Facial
35 lbs- Massage
40 lbs- New workout clothes
45 lbs- New outfit
50 lbs- Celebratory dinner
55 lbs- New Camera Bag
60 lbs- NYC Trip
65 lbs- Commission a painting
70 lbs- But play tickets
75 lbs- New Blog Design
80 lbs- Professional Family Photography Shoot
85 lbs- New Jewelry
90 lbs- Spa day
95 lbs- New clothes
100 lbs- Vacation!

As you can see, I'm motivated by shopping. But I think it's important, when trying to lose weight especially, to analyze what honestly motivates you.

Throw Away Your "Food"

There is a reason why you should throw away all the crap in your house and start fresh if you're serious about weight loss.

Just think about it: If you knew there was someone or some thing taking up space and living in your home that could/is/may seriously harm you and your loved ones, would you keep it around? Would you keep around a person who is threatening your health on a daily basis? Would you keep substances around you that are known to cause serious illnesses?- No! Of course you wouldn't.

So why do we keep food that is killing us around? ...Because it tastes good? Well, that's a weak answer that many of us give and the people who give that answer are 9 times out of 10 fat, tired, sick, and on the road to major health problems like cancer, diabetes, heart problems and so much more. Because if we're here for a specific time, why not enjoy that time? I don't know about you but when I can't button my jeans, fit into clothes that are fashionable, walk up the stairs without taking a break, or when I cringe in the mirror,  feel extremely tired and stressed, feel depressed- I'm not really enjoying my life. In fact, I'm wasting it. Because throwing away food would be wasting money! Would you tell an alcoholic to keep their liquor round because you don't see any point in them wasting the money they spent on harmful things? No. I doubt any of us would tell someone who is ingesting harmful chemicals and substances to keep doing it until their supply is gone and then change. More than likely you'd be running to the sink to dump all the alcohol out, so why not run to the trash and throw away your potato chips and TV dinners? Because we don't know any better? If we can spend hours looking at someone's stupid pictures on Facebook, we can look up what we need to know in order to live happy, healthy, productive lives.

I admit it, I was the Queen of excuses as to why I look the way I do, feel the way I feel, and do the things I do that keep me unhealthy and unhappy. But I say was because I am not that person anymore. I'm the person who threw out the rest of the crap we had and went grocery shopping to re-up on foods that aren't going to kill me and make me even more unhealthy.

Something as radical as throwing away food seems to be a stumbling block for some people but it makes very little sense (to me) to keep ingesting food that is knowingly harmful until there is a magical start date. 

Well, my magical start date was today.

-M

Pinterest Sundays: Fashion Inspirations

The more I work on my weight loss plan the more I think about what kind of clothes I will be able to wear in that transition. I've never been one to really buy a lot of clothes. Usually my money would go towards food and other things (like my outward appearance) suffered quiet a bit. But now I'm on a new path and found some very do-able outfit inspirations on Pinterest.

I love the simplicity of this. I especially love that they are pieces I can buy most anywhere (keeping in mind that I don't want to invest a lot in clothing that wont fit after a while). I have sandals very similar to the pictured pair, jeans are easy as well as a white tank top, and I can buy a variation of that blue sweater anywhere. No need to by the belt (since you wont be able to see it) or the ear rings since I already have them. I think I can purchase a pair of khaki pants so that I can wear this same outfit to work.

Love this too. It's so simple (like the one above) but what I love the most is that I can buy two pair of blue jeans (or khakis or slacks) and a couple white tank tops and with the purchase of a sweater similar to this, have two outfits. These shoes seem super comfortable and I love boat shoes. I already have a black purse (though not as cute, but it's still black) but I really need to up my accessories. 

Doesn't this outfit just scream "Take your kids to the local You-Pick farm and enjoy the somewhat cool (but still warm enough for sandals) weather!?" Again, love that I can capitalize on the purchase of a few pair of jeans and match that two a simple white shirt that can be purchased anywhere (though I will have to purchase a few of them because white shirts never stay white, haha) and I don't have to buy any scarves unless I really want to (I have a healthy collection). 

See a pattern with the jeans, boat shoes, scarves, and simple tops? I'm all about buying a few pieces that can translate into different outfit choices and obviously spending as little as possible.  I'm starting to wear watches now but I only have a silver one..a brown watch would be really nice and how could I not have pearls in my ear ring collection (which is a sin, to me). 

Usually I wear a lot of color (which I love) so I'm not necessarily committed to the muted tones I posted (though I would be willing to try them out) but more of the idea of a few pieces= a lot of outfit choices. 

How awesome is it that I have basically created a shopping list for myself (with pictures included) by just a few clicks.

I heart you Pinterest.

-M

Weight Loss

I added a new bar over to the right of my blog entitled 'weight loss'. If you don't know, I'm starting to think about my weight loss plan after I have G4 (the nickname we've decided on this baby until he has a real name).

I am more serious than I was before about losing weight because I know now I have three people I need to live for. Not only live so that I can be in their lives, but live in a healthy way so that we can all enjoy being a family.

I want to lose weight for my children so that I can play with them and be around to see their children. I want to be that really active mom who isn't too tired to roll around on the ground or too self conscious to go on a water slide. A big motivator is to not be like some of the women in my life that I know. A past co-worker of mine was telling me a story about how her kid drew a picture of her and she was sleeping in her bed. Her kid then went on to explain that "Mommy is too tired to play" but this woman was extremely over weight and told me she couldn't play because she was so tired. If that isn't motivation enough, I don't know what is.

I want to lose weight for my husband because I want to be a good looking wife that he can be proud of. Not that he isn't proud to be married to me now but I know I can do better. I don't want to be that frumpy over weight wife at office parties. I want to be that, "Who's that?" "Oh that's TP's wife.."..."DAMN" kind of wife and I know I can be that.

So anyway. I wont be updating this blog very much about losing weight except for maybe progress reports or pictures when I fit into size 9/10 jeans. So if you're interested in reading up on my journey you are more than welcome to click over. I'm posting a few things, kind of like pre contemplation, so that I'm prepared and not flying by the seat of my pants.

-M

post-partum weight loss plan

I'm serious about losing weight. Actually, it takes up about 40% of my daily thinking. I'm thinking about it so much because I want to have a solid plan (that will be flexible of course with having two children, a husband, and a job) that will give me direction. I want this plan because to simply say "I will lose ___ pounds and eat better and work out." does not work for me. I actually don't know many people that it works for.

I'm also not jumping on some crazy band wagon either. I don't want a fad diet and I don't want a diet that will drive me insane (like South Beach, sorry husband that I grew two heads for a week). I am trying to gather all the information that I can and come up with something tailor made for me.

Here's what I know so far:

1. I need a support group. I don't do well when I'm trying to make a change and don't have people around to support me. I was thinking about getting this through Weight Watchers but decided that the 40 dollars a month isn't for me. That amount of money on top of the other things we want to do and our gym membership is just too much. So I have decided to seek out Over Eaters Anonymous. When I told my mother that she nearly died but that's because so many people are unaware that OAE is for people who are struggling with their weight. In fact, OAE seldom has the 500 pound person people think about when then hear the name of the organization. Instead, OAE is filled with people like me.

2. I have to formulate a work out plan that is realistic to my needs. This means I will need to utilize what's around me and I believe that walking several times a week is the best option paired with a Zumba class at the gym and work out DVDs via our Netflix subscription. I can't just say "I'm going to work out 5 days a week at the gym." That just isn't going to happen. What's more realistic is: I will take walks every Sunday morning with my children...stuff like that.

3. I can't deny myself food. One problem I had with the South Beach diet and others like it is the denial of food. That just doesn't work for me because I binge eat. If I deny myself a piece of pie at a picnic, I will just buy an entire pie and eat half of it a day or so later. Categorizing food as good and bad does not work for me. Instead I will focus more on my portion control. Instead of having 6 slices of bacon on my breakfast sandwich, I will have three.

4. No processed food. This is extremely easy for me. If I look in my cabinets right now (which I did) we have one bag of pop corn, one pre-packaged brownie, one brownie mix, and three mini bags of chips. I am extremely proud of how I have kicked processed food out of my life. A year ago our cabinets were full of this crap but not anymore. I will just take it to the next level to having 0% of processed foods in our home and not eating them when I go to other people's homes (more specifically, my mom).


So that's the beginning of my plan. I'm still developing strategies and ways to motivate myself. I feel like my weight loss plan needs to be multi-dimentional in order to work. It needs to include outside support, inner strength, food, exercise, motivation, and spirituality to work for me. I'm hoping that the more time and energy I put into my plan the better my outcome will be.

But please, any advice is wanted!

-M