Reid’s Hospital Stay

I've had an exhausting week.

...And those weeks force me to stretch and grow in ways I didn't think were possible. I also reflect...a lot and when I’m at the end, looking in my rear view mirror, I am able to recognize that life is truly a journey and nothing lasts forever.

On Friday night we experienced something we hope wont be regular in our lives. 

Mozart took Reid to the hospital because his breathing became a huge concern. After failed breathing treatments at home it was apparent that he needed medical attention.

Everyone in this house hasn’t slept good since that night.

After Mozart and Reid left for the pediatric emergency room, Bean woke up. I took her to use the bathroom and normally she goes back to her room but I didn’t want to be alone. We crawled into bed and I twisted her little strands until we both feel asleep. Even if it was only for a little while.

I woke up to a text from Mozart saying the hospital wanted to admit Reid, that was 7am on Saturday.

Bean and I got dressed, I packed a bag of things I knew we’d need, and I updated family on what was happening.

I cried several times. Once when I woke and Bean was sleeping, the other in the shower, the other with my mom, and then when Mozart came home to take us to the hospital.

We decided that I would take Bean to the hospital (she was asking about her brother) and Mozart would return home to rest. I think this was the best option for everyone, especially since Mozart was going to take Bean to a birthday party later that day. We could have kept Bean from the party but we didn’t want to distrupt her schedule anymore than it already was.

I’m happy to report that our little Dude is doing really well and we’ve been home since late Sunday afternoon.

The weekend was a huge blur and one I don’t want to repeat.

I know that God never gives us more than we can handle. This has been proven over and over again in my life and through hardships I learn things about myself and how to live in the world.

Like I said, weeks like this make me reflect and I hope to share more of those on here with you all, very soon.

In the mean time, keep my family in your prayers- it really does make a difference.

Maintaining What I Have

My mom and I talk every day. No lie.
Pretty much this is how the conversation goes if I don’t hear from her in a day:

Message
“Hello ____ (daughter/mother) this is your ___ (daughter/mother), ___ (Meg/Madonna).
Do you remember me? I’am the one who ____ (gave birth to you/you birthed) on January 8, 1987.
Just wondering if you forgot about me. Call me back, my number is _____”

I truly treassure my relationship with my mom. She’s one of my best friends. Always honest and there with open arms.

Our conversation the other day:

“I truly feel like this is where we’re supposed to be right now.”
“I think so.”

Those are very comforting words. There aren’t many things that can top approval from your mom as you journey through life.

You all remember when I was in turmoil over our current location. That was such a rough time for me, so it was nice to write about it.

I began feeling at ease when we put ourselves around positive people who love Syracuse with an insane passion. But I think the real moment of change (after so much praying) came when Mozart received this wonderful opportunity.

Leading up to that I prayed (mostly on the toilet because that’s the only time I kind of get peace, is that wrong? Does God give a side eye to toilet prayers? Ugh.) for a sign to let me know we were on the right path. I figured it Mozart was given this opportunity, it was the sign I was looking for... And after that my heart has been still.

The signs and blessings keep rolling in. Offerings for Mozart to preform at fancy benefit parties and gallery openings and even a possible trip to Sweden in the spring (what the what!?).

Even with all that, my mind still wonders.

We had a close friend over for dinner and she has a job interview that would allow her family to move closer to her mom and siblings.
I began to panic.

I thought, “Should we be moving?”

But I’m at the market yesterday with Bean, eating donuts,  picking out organic pumpkins and eyeing local apples. We snuggle on the couch and I receive a phone call from my mom and we discuss details about her watching the kids while we attend a wedding at the end of the month.

I hang up and start soaking beans for today's chili, I make nut butter popcorn, and I take a moment to watch the changing leaves outside of our window. I take Bean to the potty several times (all a success), I shoo Synclaire from Reid’s ankles, I hug my husband, and we lie around eating our last supply of Popsicles.

Right now our stomachs are full of pumpkin french toast and my chili is cooking. We’re going to a farm to feed goats and pick out pumpkins that look like our heads. We will eat apple cider donuts and I’ll shred local cheddar cheese for our dinner tonight.

I may complain a lot and have moments of irrational thoughts but at the end of the day I know we are supposed to be here and my friend is trying to get where she thinks her family needs to be.

And we are not on the same journey and so I can’t compare myself to her. She is striving for something and I am currently maintaining what I have.

Fall 2012 Bucket List

You guys, I’m so excited for the fall season! I’ve been prepping for some time now (fall home tour coming soon) and if I’m completely honest... I’ve been burning fall candles since the beginning of August.

I have such fond memories of fall when I was a kid. My mom made her own potpourri that smelled like cinnamon, cloves, apples, and oranges and there were plenty of cookies in the oven, and warm blankets. She always made me the best Halloween costumes too.

We think fall and winter is a time for families to turn inward. So we look forward to doing that by drinking plenty of fancy fall drinks, baking homemade pies, hosting a dinner party for friends, and watching our favorite movies- just to name a few.

I’m going to wrap myself in this season. I look forward to the days cooling off, chunky knit sweaters, scarves, and warming little baby toes.

Four Legged Guest | Our Home

Living in the Now

I know God answers prayers. Just a few weeks ago I shared about my journey to cut out negativity in my life. I’m happy to report that I’ve been incredibly successful at doing this because I’m working on myself.

You see, I realized that while yes, the world is sometimes negative and crappy, the problem doesn’t necessarily lie with the world. I can’t change the entire world. Pieces of it, people in it- maybe. But not the entire thing and like my Nana says, “I wont let anyone steal my joy.”

My negativity lies within me and my perceptions.

Perception is everything.

I finally recognized (with the help of a great book I will share soon) that not every precieved wrong needs a comment from me or a side glance. Not every perceived fault of someone’s needs a my comment or judgement. Not all information is meant to be shared or gossiped about. Other’s problems are not necessarily mine and their fights are often not my own.

The attitudes of others don’t have to be mine.

So that is one prayer God has answered.

There has also been a great shift in our living situation.

I wont say we have 100% committed to this city for the rest of our lives or even for the next 10 years. But we have committed to making this work. It’s tiring to think about what something/someone/some place doesn’t have. Living in the land of “If Only” is exhausting. So we’ve decided to dwell in possibility.

Mozart and I are allowing ourselves to meet new people and welcome them in to our home. And they have welcomed us in to theirs. The light that comes in when we finally let go of the heavy burdens and the chains of “If Only” and the Grass Is Greener syndrome is amazing.

We’ve been to community events and galleries. We discovered a dessert place right around the corner from us and new friendships are blooming. Our social calendar is filling up fast.

Last night we went to Stasya and Andrew’s house for dinner. Pizza, beer, and ginger beer. Have you ever had ginger beer? It’s like ginger ale but with less of the garbage and it is amazing. I didn’t get a chance to finish mine with two dogs (adorable!) and two kids running around it got lost in the mix. But I’ll definitely have to buy some for the house.

We also had what Bean calls birthday cake. But really I made a double layered cheese cake with lemon curd filling, whipped cream frosting, and raspberries. Using this recipe if you’re interested.

We had a great time and our interactions with people like Stasya and Andrew introduce the possiblity that Syracuse may be our home and that we could enjoy it. 

Mellowing Out and the Spider Who Lives

 

I bought this soda today. As I was looking over the options at the vending machine my eyes came to the mello yello button and I thought for a split second, "that's something I need to do" and so I bought it.

Now, I don't think drinking a mello yello will in anyway help me mellow out, but it's something I need to do desperately.

Yesterday, Mozart's friend who is a Masters photography student came to take pictures and capture audio of our little family for his school project. The kids were tickled and I thought it was pretty neat too. We were told to behave normally and so we went on our evening stroll through the neighborhood.

We buckled Reid in our red Radio Flyer wagon while Bean ran with Mozart, sticks waving wildly in her hands. 

Meanwhile, Reid has his arms spread out on the perimeter of the wagon, looking like he's in the backseat of a Cadillac and not a bumpy red wagon with wheels that were put on the wrong way by yours truly. And I'm there, pulling him, watching like a mama bear as Bean darts around Mozart- he does his best to keep up. 

And I'm smiling, because we are relaxing as a family and watching Mozart play with Bean is magical.

The photography student is eating all this up. The bumpy wheels that Reid insists on touching for the majority of the ride, his relaxed demeanor, his constant attempts to eat leaves that Bean places there for him, Mozart mimicking Bean's lion roars, and me. 

He is catching the way I kiss Reid on the forehead, my soft voice pleading " Please Dude...don't eat the leaves!" or "If you keep putting your hand on the wheel your hand will get CHOPPED off and then Mommy will be sad." 

He is catching my hand run up and down Mozart's back as we watch our daughters fascination with dirt and he's probably catching the sweat that runs down my face because the humidity here in Central New York is no joke.

The student takes audio as well. Capturing Reid's grunts and laughs, the shaky wheels, the padding of Bean's feet on the pavement as she runs back towards the house. He's capturing Mozart's voice while he tells Reid stories. 

Now I'm in the back with Bean holding her sweaty sticky hands as she sings her ABCs.

But I tell her "No. I want to hear Itsy Bitsy Spider", "Okay Mommy." he captures that too. Her little voice singing "WASHED the spider OUT!", as if the spider doesn't live.

And after ice cream and one time out for picking leaves off the basil plant, we go back inside and he lets me listen.

I listen to the creaking wheels and the babbles and laughs of my children and I want to die right then and there because nothing will ever sound more beautiful than that. But I keep my cool, I smile and say it is "Nice."

Mozart listens to it and we catch each others eyes and I know he could die too. 

Creaking wheels, padding little feet, grunts, and laughs. 

But we don't die because now Bean has all of her clothes and diaper off, in front of the photographer, waving good bye.

He'll be back on Friday to capture pizza making and bed time.

It's amazing. This mellow thing. 

Taking life as it is right here and now. Knowing that dishes can wait and bills can be paid later.

Because right now, I'm listening to a song about a spider who may or may not live, convincing my son that eating leaves is not in his best interest, and trying to find something..anything..more beautiful than a father playing with his daughter, outside, on the first of August, in mud puddles.

DIY Gold Cake Topper

This is one of the cake toppers for Reid’s birthday party this Saturday. I used this tutorial. A simple toy lion, spray paint, electric handheld drill, and a candle. So simple and the results are amazing.

I picked a lion because that’s our family’s power animal.

When I met Mozart he had t-shirts with lion prints, a Bronze lion statuette that his mother gave him from Haiti and there was a time when he considered getting the head of a lion tattooed on his back.

The word “lion”, quickly followed by gut wrenching roars, was one of the first things Bean learned to do. Doggies? Cats? Please. Give this girl lion with a mane as majestic as her hair and she’s happy.

The more I thought about what animal I wanted to make into a cake topper, the more a lion made sense.

Do you have an animal that represents you or your family?

Pizza and Archaeology

Yesterday I made pizza. 

Spinach and cheese for the kids. The adult pizza was spinach, red bell pepper, and vegetarian spicy chicken.

I’m really loving pizza as an easy dinner. It’s a great way to trick kids into eating their vegetables too. I can also make them as healthy or unhealthy as I want and I love that I know exactly what ingredients I’m feeding my family. I know the ingredients of the dough, I make my own sauce, and I add the toppings.

The kids love it too, can’t you tell? It’s always all over their clothes.

After dinner we took a walk. The weather was perfect, windy and cool- it felt like fall, so I was in love.

On our walks there are plenty of pitstops. Sticks to be collected, rocks to kick, animals to stare at. You name it, we stop for it. Including Daddy and Daughter archeological digging.

Did you notice something different about Reid?

Well, he has a new hair cut!

His hair has been a pain in my side for a very long time. He hated getting it combed and I hated doing it because all I’m thinking is, “Isn’t a boys hair supposed to be a perk?”

I just didn’t see why I had to fuss with hair that could be cut off.

After deciding that it was probably best to do it at home instead of a barber, I snipped away.

We’re happy with our first attempt and we plan to go even lower when we purchase an electric hair razor. I think he looks so much better than the Mad Scientist he resembled before.

Remembering | My Grandfather & Honey Bears

When I was younger my Grandfather would make me Honey Bears. Toast, peanut butter, and honey. Simple. But oh, so good.

My Grandfather is a big man, in every sense of the word. He is tall and his back is strong. He has arms that are long and hands that are big, a trait he passed on to me. He doesn't say much. But what he does say matters.

When I was younger I watched him build things with his hands. He built fences, homes, toys, and a family with his hands. But what I remember the most is how he chopped fire wood. Piece after piece would hit the ground at his feet and it was my job to collect it and wheel it back to a wooden box.

I hated that job. The wood was heavy and I was unsteady. But I loved watching him work. He had a focused rythm that I thought was beautiful.

My Grandfather always smelled like wood. Now when I smell a wood fire, it reminds me of him. That smell reminds me that it is important to work and to build something.  But it also reminds me when he use to wipe grease from his hands, how I made him burnt grilled cheese sandwiches that he always ate, how he made every holiday special, and how we use to eat Honey Bears.

Now I make honey bears for my own children.

"Mommy!"
"Yes, Bean?"
"Honey Bear! Honey Bear Mommy!"
"Would you like a Honey Bear?"
"Yes, please!"

So I take out the bread, the honey, and peanut butter. She pulls her stool up so we can both watch the bread toast and I say,

"My Grandpa use to make Honey Bears all the time for Mommy. Grandpie use to make these for Mommy."

She thinks for a moment, watching me spread the peanut butter and drizzle the honey. I can tell she's trying to remember this moment. I hope she remembers and when she has her children she tells them that their Nana made her Honey Bears and that I learned to make them from my Grandfather who was a beautifully strong man.

"Yes! They are good!"

A Month In Photos | March 2012

I found this awesome calendar page template at Simple as That and decided to make my own. At the end of this year I will make a calendar using the monthly image template.

It’s also a great way to see what I capture each month.



This month was super busy for us. One family reunion in New York City, one surprise birthday, another birthday, and the beginning of a new career for my husband. March was a very happy month for us, but boy am I glad to move on, hopefully, to some quieter times.

Hope you had a wonderful March.

Bean’s Garden Party

This year we kept things simple. In attendance were a few of our close friends here in Syracuse, their children, and my mom. In total, 5 adults and 4 kids.

It was lovely.

I decided to throw Bean an indoor garden party. I consider her birthday to be in the spring and with the 70 degree weather that day, a garden party seemed natural.

Instead of doing kid favors, I decided to make favors for the moms. I made hand and foot scrub in orange and brown sugar. I cut a few pieces of fabric that I had around the house and decorated the mason jars.

Then I sat them on top of mini white wooden boxes.



I decided to go all out for the table. I went to JoAnns and bought three yards of burlap and used it as a table runner. I also bought flower garlands and placed them down the middle. I then went to the grocery store and bought one bouquet of flowers for the centerpiece and a bouquet of carnations and a bouquet of blue flowers that I cant remember the name of. I cut those to fit inside a few mason jars and interweaved them in the flower garland.

Not pictured here was a hanging garland of pink coffee filter garlands that I made. I hung it over the table from the ceiling and it was very beautiful. Also not pictured are the fabric napkins I sewed.

We fed our guests locally made Italian bread with chive butter and lasagna. You can find the recipes for the lasagnas here and here. One was a vegetarian butternut squash with sage butter and the other was a meat lasagna. Both equally good.

After we all stuffed ourselves on the food we opened presents.

Bean received new pajamas, a cute outfit, a pig stuffed with lavender scented beads that can be put in the microwave which releases the smell for a soothing bedtime pal, a Glamor Girl doll in her skin tone that we named Lizzy, and these amazing wooden black family dolls. Aren’t they amazing? We found them at an independent toy store in Ithaca, NY.

Bean loves these little dolls. She carries them around, waves their arms and makes them say “Hi” and talks to them. Her favorite one is the Daddy one.

After presents we sang Happy Birthday. She loved that. Nana helped her cut the cake.

She really enjoyed being sung to but she and her little friends were too busy playing to actually eat the cake. So the adults enjoyed it.

This was a raspberry cake filled with lemon pie filling and topped with lemon whipped cream. It tasted like spring. You can find the recipe here.

The rest of the evening was spent enjoying each others company, chasing after babies and toddlers, and laughing.

It was the perfect way to celebrate our little girl’s 2nd year of life.