Dear Reid,
Today, you’re one month old. A month ago I was wobbling around in the warm July weather, rubbing on my stomach and praying to God that he’d allow me to hold you. Now, I hold you all the time. I squeeze you so tight because you are my little boy, my baby.
I will admit that when Daddy and I first found out you were a boy, I was disapointed. You see, I was stuck on the idea that I needed another girl. I realize now that all I needed was you. It’s funny how God gives us exactly what we need when we need it. You are very much needed in my life. I didn’t know if I could give you all the love you deserve in this world and I didn’t know if there was enough of me. But the heart and soul are amazing things.
They expand to let light in and you my little boy, are pure light.
There are times at night when I hold you tight, my face close to yours, and breathe you in. Hoping that you’re doing the same. Do you know who I am yet? Do you know how much I love you? Will you ever know that? So many questions that I want answers to, but when you open your sleepy eyes and look at me I am reminded that I don’t need all the answers. You let me know that there are times when not knowing and silence is best.
You are so strong, arms long and often open. When you spread your arms you look like you are welcoming in the world. All it’s beauty and pain, telling it to come because you know what to do with all of it. I look at you and wonder if you were given that strength to lift up those who are unable to stand. And then I smile. You are my little boy, the second man in my lifetime that has been able to steal my breath and offer me something no words can describe.
How is that? How is one month with you equivalent to decades with an old friend? One that knows you inside and out, one that can see through you and offer exactly what’s needed when you didn’t even know you needed it.
My love for you is indescribable and I know that one day you will ask me to prove it and I will point back to your birth. The moment they brought us together, me lying on my back with my insides exposed and you with your mouth gaping open letting out the most powerful battle cry anyone in the room had ever heard.
You see, that is what a mother’s love is. It is sacrifice.
Love,
Mommy
