Thank you for | This Son of Mine

I didn’t want a son the second time we found out we were pregnant.

I wanted another daughter. I wanted Bean to have a sister. I wanted to re-use all the baby clothes we had bought.

But I got a boy. Oh, a boy.

After having a baby girl I no longer thought of myself as anything other than a mom of girls. So when we saw Reid on the ultrasound, my husband puffing out his chest and beating it with his giant man fists, I was dissapointed.

What did I know about boys? About penis’?
No, I knew nothing about boys, I knew a lot about sassy girls.

Oh, but this son of mine.

He is something special. Something God made just for me. When I look at him I think, “Girl? Who wanted a stinkin’ girl? No, this boy is more than I could ever ask for.”

There is something special about my son. A strength in his brown eyes, strength that I don’t have.

My son has a sensitive soul. He has the capacity to love people in a way that is non judemental. He is free with his love, never withholding it because maybe he believes everyone deserves it. Which is incredibly brave.

I can’t get enough of this little guy.

 I hold him tight and breathe him in every chance I get. He has smell all his own. Different from mine, his father, and his sister. 

He smells like warmth and when I hold him I feel steady.