(an oldie but a goodie)
I never knew how eerily quiet it when one kid is gone, which ever it may be, until this weekend.
Bean was at Nana’s house and I remember looking at Mozart and saying “It’s weird that it’s so quiet, was it really this quiet with one kid?” and we agreed that we do not like our home that quiet and in fact we want to fill it with even more noise. Yup, we’re insane.
Having Bean back involved tons of kisses and snuggles. I asked about her weekend with Nana and she immediately told me that Nana did not feed her. Which I thought was funny because all my mom wants to do is feed her and sometimes it’s not the best stuff...its Nana food (sweets)... But it’s cool.
While snuggling on the couch and trying to avoid Synclaire’s paws, Bean said, “I love you so much hunny!” and this always makes me laugh so I said, “Oh Bean (yes we really call her Bean, Beans, Miss. Bean, and Beansie at home) you are so smart.” and she laughed loudly and said, “NO! I’m not smart! I’m pretty!”
And I died inside...I think.
It made me so sad and I immediately told her that she was smart AND pretty and that there was nothing wrong with being both and that being smart was “cool”. She agreed that being smart was cool and also figured that she could be both and proudly told me “I am smart AND pretty!”
But what am I to do? I don’t want to go on a war path and not use words like pretty, beautiful, or cute. I mean, come on. She always looks cute and every little girl deserves to hear how beautiful she is.
Looks are important. Beautiful people have a leg up in the world and she is beautiful and that will open many doors before some people listen to her speak or understands her ideas. And no it’s not fair and sometimes it’s downright wrong and disgusting but it’s reality. I want her to be able to navigate that world as well.
But oh man I don’t want her only to think of herself as pretty.
I know she’s two and she doesn’t understand the complexities of the conversation we had and maybe I’m over thinking it a bit. I suppose I just need to up my “you’re smart/brilliant” rhetoric now, even though we were doing that a lot already.
We tell her she’s funny/kind/intelligent/sweet/awesome all the time too but maybe it’s not enough?
Then the question becomes, is anything ever enough.